My Life in Words...

For those of you who have been reading my away messages or talking to me at all you might have guessed....this past week was the WEEK OF HELL AND INSANITY.

First there was the paper that ate my soul, then my presentation got pushed back and I ended up not having to turn the paper of doom in until much later, had a Western Legal Tradition quiz (completely forgot who John Rawls was...go me) a math test, the paper presentation and had to finish a Christopher Hitchens book (a brilliant writer but not exactly the lightest of material). However I did take a break to see Bridget Jones Diary: The Edge of Reason (great movie. Colin Firth is a god.)

On Friday I officially switched majors from history to Law and Society (aka prelaw) and from the College of Arts and Sciences (CAS) to the School of Public Affairs (SPA). I should be OK to double major in LaS and History as well as study abroad, but I won't declare a second major for a while yet. I've already got my non-western history course out of the way (hehehe).

So this weekend was spent primarily in recooperation (sp?) (aka shopping) and preparation. I'm going home tomorrow (Monday) night. I'm skipping Imp. Russia and College Writing and leaving here around 9pm tomorrow. I'm kind of worried about another week w/ my mom (love the woman...but living with her just isn't going to work..ever again). The difference between this break and Fall Break is that I'm actually going to get to see a lot of my friends this time (you guys rock socks) since we'll all be home at the same time for the first time since August.

When I told my mom today that some of my friends were at church this morning she somberly asked, "Ash...why don't you go with them?" And I gave her my truthful answer...that I'm in a period of spiritual searching right now...I don't consider myself part of any church...and I need to find balance before I can expose myself to different faiths to find out which one works for me. She then stiffly said, "We'll talk about that next week." Grrrrrrrrr. I wonder if she realizes her actions are pushing me further and further away from Christianity? Because of my background with it I need to break w/ Christianity completely so that way when I go to search for a faith I can truly look at it unbiasedly (because I do plan to look at it again, it's the only way to go about this). At this point, after that mini conversation, the only person who could get me back into a Christian church is my dad.

This shall be my last post for a while (well..for at least a week. But that doesn't matter because I only update weekly as is.) I'm sorry this wasn't witty or interesting and was basically a mini rant on my life...well, no, I'm really not. I make it my mission in life to write for me, whether it be in essays, blogging or articles and this was what I needed to do. I'm breaking rule number one of writing anything: consider your audience. But, as Sara likes to put it, neither man nor god will tell me what to write. I once edited something I wrote thinking, "wow..that's going to offend a lot of people" and I've never truly forgiven myself for it. I would say I broke my mantra but I don't have one. I really need to come up with a mantra.

The Story of Woe

It was a dark and stormy night...ok...I lie...it was a gorgeous, sunny Friday afternoon and young Ashley was happily galivanting out of her last class (college writing, shut up Kat) and was planning on a nice relaxing weekend...then disaster struck. Young Ashley realized that she had a 20 page paper of doom due at 8:30 Monday morning. All of Young Ashley's plans for happiness were destroyed in those 30 seconds of realization for she had not yet even truly begun work on the paper (not to be confused with the Bench of Realization). So young Ashley began researching her paper Friday night and began hard core writing at 2:45pm on Saturday. She finally finished the paper at 11:10pm on Sunday. She sighed a huge breath of relief as the 22 pages of hell came out of the printer and went to the front desk for a stapler (becuase her own stapler wasn't strong enough to cut through the 22 page monster). As the nice DR commented on the insanity of SIS classes and proclaimed his love for the SOC, young Ashley sleepily trudged back up to her dorm in the Virgin Vault, called Best Friend and proclaimed her victory over the demon then took a shower so she would be presentable for her presentation at 8:30 on Monday morning.

Unable to sleep, young Ashley tosses and turns all night and when her alarm wakes her at 7:35 she flips her cell phone open, turns it off and goes right back to sleep until the alarm of her roommate, Meghan, awakes her at 8:35.

Young Ashley is panicked, for her class began 5 minutes ago, quickly brushes her teeth and hair, gets dressed and sprints to the SIS building (all the way across campus). She tears into the classroom at 8:50 and has no hope of slipping in undetected as Evil Professor Collins is standing right by the door. Slinking into a chair in the front of the class, young Ashley attempts to organize her thoughts while the presentation group from last Thursday's class finish up. The minutes slowly creep by while the presentation group rants about the European Union. "Why won't they hurry up and finish already!?" wonders young Ashley, "some of us still have presentations to do." Evil Professor Collins has no intention of stopping them and somehow they end up discussing immigrantion and the European Union for the entirity of the class. Evil Professor Collins says, nonchalantly, "Well...I guess War Crimes Tribunals will have to go on Thursday, eh? You can turn in your papers then." Young Ashley screams "NOOOOOOO" falls out of her chair, and lies on the floor, twitching.

*Disclaimer: What you read here, is fact. This did happen to me and while I...embellished...some parts (my professor is not, in fact, evil. She's actually quite brilliant) most of it is entirely true. To express my utter woe and despair, see end of entry. Thank you and have a nice day. *

$%^*%^&@#$@^*^&$%^*)(%@@!%^*(%##^*()$@!!@$#%$^$%$^@!!$!~#$%#!@$$^$#%#^@#$#@$%#$^&$*&&^(&($@@#$&^^&*(($@$%^&^&$@@$%^^!!!!!!!!!!!!

In related news...I no longer cry every time I see a picture of John Kerry. Amazing president that he would have been, the American people have spoken. I am now looking forward to 4 fun years of protesting in D.C. followed by an absolute smashing victory by Hillary Clinton. I'm going to the Inauguration at any rate, just because I've never been to one and I'm curious.

In my quest to lay off the partying permanently (or at least for a couple of months) I had a really fun weekend. Blew off work on Friday to go to Georgetown w/ Sara (yay for irresponsibility) and Saturday some friends and I went to the monuments @ Federal Triangle. They were gorgeous and I walked from the Smithsonian metro stop to the Washington Monument to the WW2 Memorial then down the Reflecting Pool to the Lincoln Memorial and finally back to the metro @ Federal Triangle in 3" heels. Oh the pain! But alas I was victorious in my quest and even though the balls of my feet were pretty much rubbed raw it was worth it. I now feel as though I can accomplish anything. Mwahaha.

On Sunday I went back to Georgetown w/ Sara and Sam (since Kat bailed on us) and bought a hat at Urban Outfitters ("This place is more expensive then Gap. I cannot believe I just said that." -Sam). Georgetown is such a cool, historic area (apparently U.S. Grant was quite a speed demon in his horse and buggy back in the day) and there's always something amazing happening there, even if it's just the random homeless people on the street playing amazing jazz.

I have an 8 pg paper due tomorrow, and a 20 pager due next monday! I'm DOOMED.

Oh..and on a really really sad note...Fallujah. This is so horrible. I feel like curling up into a ball and crying.

2 updates in one day...who knew?!

After lunch earlier I went to the Hughes front desk to say hey to Sam. She, being a good friend, talked to me for a while before banishing me to go finish my paper (still uncompleted). But before I was extradited she marked my hand, with a permanent green marker, with the word, "WORK". Dutifully I finished Wiesel's Night but as I gazed at my hand I saw how something so simple as a mark on your hand can bind you to a place, a duty or a memory. I saw the ties between my mark and the numbers of identification placed on the left hands of concentration camp inmates during the Holocaust. My mark reminds me of my duties as a student, to complete my assignments. On a deeper level it reminds me that my pride and my future as it rests on this paper (at least for now..next week my IR paper will be the determining factor of my future and so on down the line for the next 7 years). The mark on the prisoners of the Holocaust reminds them that they are less then people, more along the lines of mud on the boots of the Nazis. My mark is not permanent, will wash away with my nightly shower in a few hours and will never be thought of again. Theirs is ingrained permanently into their skin and their souls. Every time they see their number (which became their name in many cases) they remember what their life was like while in the concentration camp. They'll remember the fear of selections, the impending death, starvation and complete loss of hope. Their mark will never wash away, and perhaps they are swept with pain and memories torment and despair every time they see their identification number. I'll never know. My mark isn't like theirs. Mine, while a symbol of an impending paper, is also a symbol of a hope for a fantastic life ahead of me.

Because I feel really really bad...

A correction to an oversight...2 or 3 posts ago I mentioned talking with "some seniors" on a Saturday night. As Josh pointed out, they do in fact have names, and are Josh and Becky respectively. Both are very cool and interesting people. Forgive my oversight, it was very rude.

It's the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine...

...well, no, not really. I don't feel fine...I'm worried sick. People don't quite seem to get that not only are the next 4 years dependent on tonight...it's more like the next 10-15 years. I'm scared that Bush is going to win. More importantly, I'm scared we're going to have another debacle like we did in 2000. That is the LAST thing America needs. More shame. More disgrace. I'm scared the Supreme Court is going to decide again, in which case we all know who's going to get it. Oh, and skimming the Post headlines, it looks like Reinquest is going to retire. Great. Bush will get to pick a Supreme Court justice. Yippie.

This weekend was...well, insane is the only word to describe it. Those of you who know what happened, well, you know. Those of you who don't know...you won't know, with the exception of one person. Oh, and I finally saw Garden State on friday night. Amazing movie. Now I just need to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I <3 Huckabees. As well as a few movies which are yet to come out. Oh, and I saw Sugarcult (and got to meet the bassist, Aaron of that band..long story...), New Found Glory and Green Day in concert at GMU on Sunday night. Let me just say, Fairfax VA and GMU are THE DEVIL. Concert was good nonetheless, aside from the fact that the people made me work security. Seriously, wtf were they thinking?! Me? Security? 200+ lb guys were like, "ha. little girl. what are you going to do about it?!" I had to have Sara and some random guy tell a couple of people to back off. I'm a wuss. I know.

And now I'm heading to Battelle-Tompkins for course registration info. session. It's lookin' like American Legal Culture, Theories of Democracy, Statistics, College Writing Seminar, Civilization and Modernization: Asia, and Ancient Greece. Woot.

And to end with a flashback from high school..."What is love?" According to Frankl...love is the meaning of life. Absolutely beautiful. Everyone should read Man's Search for Meaning. It'll make you cry, but it's worth it.