I have conclusive evidence...

...that hell has frozen over...two pieces of it actually. First off, and by far the least interesting, is the fact that I wrote a paper two (2) days before it was due! Two (2)! How do y'all feel about that?!

Secondly is that DC feels like home again. Why, you may ask? Well...with the advent of spring and the cherry blossoms, the illustrious crazies have returned to the streets of Georgetown, affectionately renamed by Kat, the underbelly of society.

Let's begin this sordid tale of debauchery and prostitution at the beginning...Wednesday night.

After begging off a shift at work with Kat, Adam and I metroed down to the Navy Yard for an Against Me/Alkaline Trio concert at Nation, a club in SE. After some dire warnings from Adam about AM/AT concerts, I opted not to follow him into the mosh pit, but rather lingered just outside of it.

This ended up being the best possible course of action as, throughout the night, I saw various people getting dragged out by security for broken limbs and scratched eyeballs.

The concert was really amazing. Got to meet the bassist for Against Me! which was remarkably more exciting for Adam than for me, but it was a great night, overall.

Thursday rolled around and I begged off a shift at Terrorism to go to yet another concert...this time for the New Amsterdams at the Black Cat. Never having been to the Black Cat, and being quite the fan of the New Amsterdams, I was really exciting. Adam and I (again) metroed up to Cardozo pretty early and grabbed dinner. We then proceeded to sit on the corner of 12th and V discussing society and other philosophical topics for a while before wandering down the road to the Black Cat.

Now to backtrack...before we left school we filled up a water bottle full of cheap vodka, to make the first bands seem more *interesting*. Grabbing some cranberry juice mixers, we proceeded to get good and blitzed.

For some reason, when I drink fast I get drunk fast but not for a prolonged period of time. Metabolism like whoa, I suppose. So I was only drunk for about an hour and a half. Adam, on the other hand, managed to stay good and trashed for the entirity of the show.

That would have been totally cool, because I have no problem taking care of the drunkies that I love so much. Seriously...it would have been perfectly fine..if the New Amsterdams had gotten their asses on stage before the dawning of the age of aquarius!!!

The doors opened at 8:30 and there were two opening acts. Reason would not expect to see the NAs until around 10, which is reasonable. When no one got on stage until 9, I was a little suspicious. But Cartel was good and I was drunk so life was sweet. They played a reasonable amount of time for an opener...about a half hour, and I was anticipating a great night. Then the second band got set up and came on stage. And my heart dropped out of my stomach onto the dirty, STD filled floor.

This was, quite possibly, one of the worst bands in the history of music. I can't even remember what their damn name was but they SUCKED. I wanted to gouge out my eyes with a fork. It didn't help that Adam was so drunk he FELL ASLEEP DURING THE PAIN. Every now and then a guy would wander past and kick at him and I'd be all like "don't be kickin' my man! HE BE ALIVE AND WELL" and then they'd give me a funny look and wander away. Shortly thereafter, I totally lost the buzz I'd been rocking and I was just sad.

In short...NAs didn't get on stage until 11. For you anti-District people, the metro closes at 12 on weekdays, but often the last train out of a station leaves around 1145...what does that mean? We had to leave 1130...yeah...only a half hour of the band we bought tickets for. Adam was too smashed to really care, but I was pissed.

So on Friday...Kat and I woke up early and babysat all bloody day. It was actually fun and included lunch at a swanky country club, saw a movie with the girls and was molested by a 6 and and 8 year old...yeah...that's right. And you know what? I've got PROOF! That little blond one sitting on my butt? The sweet innocent one who talks with a lisp? He licked my face. I don't think I've been that freaked out since the guy who did not know the unspoken rule of lips then tongue.

So getting home kind of late an exhausted...Kat and I decided to chill for a while before heading to a new club opening in Farragut North. However, the line being too long, the cover being too high and the crowd being too sketchy, we sort of hobbled along M Street, hoping for a bus to take us to the Prince for some hookah. Lacking anything resembling a bus, we sold our souls to the man and got a taxi.

Grabbing a table outside, we ordered our usual...saloum...which, as usual, made the waiter blink and stare at us before shaking his head in resignation and wandering off.

Now most hookah doesn't really have any affect on the body aside from relaxing it by forcing you to take deep, slow breathes to inhale the smoke. Saloum; however, will get anyone who isn't a druggie high as a kite. As recent experiences have proved, I am very receptive to inhaled substances and was giggling maniacally in about 20 minutes.

Shortly thereafter, two very attractive guys joined us. We later learned that they were originally from Syria and were really kind of amazing. Bidding adieu, we made tentative plans to hang out with one of them tonight before traipsing off down M Street to hunt down the crazies that enjoy wrecking havoc late on Friday and Saturday nights.

While I don't remember the exact order of events, I'll do my best to relay some of the highlights...

*The following conversation with a very drunk man outside a bar

DG: OH MY GOD! Come here! Come here NOW! *beckons Ash with hand*

Ash: *warily inches forward* Yes?

DG: COME HERE! *continues beckoning*

Ash: I can hear you from here...

DG: My friend...he wants to bang you...

Ash: *laugh* But you don't?

DG: No! I do too!

Ash: uhhh...thank you? *walks backward, running into a stop sign*

Note: He may or may not have offered me money to have sex with him. The jury is still out on that one.

*The two guys who followed us across a crosswalk (one risking life and limb by challening a taxi to hit him) to offer to buy us drinks then sadly watching as we declined and walked away.

*A bar fight that ended with a sophomore in high school asking either Kat or I (possibly both) to "hang out" sometime

*Peter, who begged us to never leave him again before trying to persuade us to walk "3...no....6" blocks back to his house for margaritas with him and his friend. Tempted as we were we declined, citing a promise to meet friends back on campus. The conversation ended like this...

Peter: It's not like we're going to hook up or anything! COME ON!!

Kat: Oh you haven't seen Ash when she gets a little rum in her

Ash and Kat wander away

Peter looks on, forlornly undoubtedly thinking...

"But I have rum!!"

Well my loves...those are the highlights of my past few days...there were others such as the occasional "hey bay-be" but in all honesty, only the most famous and infamous will be cited in my memoirs.