This is your life and it's ending one second at a time.

So...as most of you know, I have an unhealthy obsession with many things. Russia, for one. I have an inexplicable love for all things Russian. Another thing that I'm strangely obsessed with is death. Maybe it was because I wrote a paper on death, entirely the night before it was due, that ended up being 18 pages long and got a 100% on it. Perhaps it was the fact that I lost an important member of my family to the cold, calculating cluthes of Grim Reaper every year from the age of 5 to the age of 17. Or who knows, it could have been the fact that I gave my grandfather's eulogy. On my fifteenth birthday. Then mourned his death for over a year. Call me crazy, but it could have been a combination of all these factors. Regardless of the cause, the result is the same. I'm slightly obsessed with the afterlife.

I've always said that in order to truly live, you have to feel death entirely. That doesn't mean you have to fight it, kicking, screaming and clawing out the eyes of the Angel of Death. It simply means that you have to embrace your destiny, accept when it is your time to go (that means no extraordinary means of life preservation. Come near me with a feeding tube and I'll take you down with me) and try to remain in a semi cognizant state (that means avoid the painkillers).

I've also always said that I do not want to live for an excessive amount of time either. To see all my friends and my generation leave, to be a burden on my family, that is not for me. Past the age of 80, give me a damn cyanide pill. It's the quality of life that counts, not the quantity (cliche, I know. Deal with it).

However, while I have no desire to live past the age of 80, that DOES NOT MEAN THAT I WANT TO DIE AT 19!!!!! I say, quite frequently actually, "this may kill me yet" but I think today I said it and I actually meant it. I have no less then 12 separate assignments due this week. It's probably going to total around 50 pages of writing and a LOT of studying for Statistics. Maybe it's retrospect playing it's nasty little mind games with me again, but I do not remember the end-of-the-semester crunch being this bad in December. Pretty it was not, but it COULD NOT have been this bad.

So basically...I can sum it up pretty simply. Are you ready for this?

Reason Number 875 I'm glad I decided not to take summer classes: MY BRAIN WILL BE FRIED AFTER THIS WEEK. Literally. Come Tuesday, I will not be able to speak a coherent, reasonable sentence.

So this shall be my last update before May, I believe. Unless something amazingly funny or life changing happens. Expect my next post to be something along the lines of the typical "This year went by so fast.." nonsense as well as much love for the people I've met down here.

A note to my beloved muse: Chiron, if you come anywhere near me with the MALLET OF INSPIRATION, inspiring ANYTHING but amazing, insightful and intelligent academic prose, I will set you on fire, dance through your ashes then put your remains in a graveyard so you can't return to life. I've been meaning to visit Arlington for a while.

PS: I'm really not insane. I know Chiron is not a living entity capable of being set on fire. Attribute it to insanity please, and continue on your merry way.

.Carpe diem.

Adieu

Goodnight goodnight you're embarassing me you're embarassing you so goodnight goodnight

Kay Spiritual Life Centre. Alias: The Cupcake.

The photo you see above is one of the many buildings that comprises American University. It is the Kay Spiritual Life Centre and is home to everything from Al Hillel (Jewish student’s association) to campus anarchists. Oddly enough the building has some of the best acoustics on campus, and so most of our school’s musical events (pathetic as our music department is) occur here.

The building has an oddly appealing architecture. The long and short of it is; it looks like a cupcake. Maybe the architect who designed it had a warped sense of humor caused by far too much acid in the 70s, or maybe he was just hungry when he designed the building. Regardless of the reasons behind the snack-cake like building, it’s an integral part of AU life and gives you something to look at when you’re sitting in the third floor of Ward, bored out of your mind, as your Western Legal Tradition teacher rambles about Hegel and Hume (no, I’m not bitter at all. Why do you ask?).

I for one am not sure who donated the money to have the Kay Spiritual Life Centre built. Obviously his name (or the name of someone he cared A LOT about) was Kay and obviously he was absurdly wealthy. But his motives for having this building installed? Who knows? I like to think, as I’m falling asleep at night (or glaring angrily at the ceiling, silently cursing my insomnia to hell) that he was a religious, right wing nut job who wanted to instill some sort of faith system into this otherwise agnostic/atheist filled campus. I smile, just a little bit, when I think of the Buddhist, Muslim and Hindu services held in Kay, right alongside the anarchists. I grin devilishly and ponder silently "he’s rolling over in his grave right now (or urn, whatever) ripping at the crepe or velvet lining of coffin."

At any rate...that was all just background information on the building. The real point of the entry takes place almost a week ago on Saturday, April 2, 2005. It was a dreadful day in D.C., absolutely pouring. Unrelatedly, it was also the day that Pope John Paul II passed on (may he find peace). As anyone who goes here knows, there’s always some sort of event occurring on campus, very few that the students actually care about, and this weekend it was some sort of music and arts festival/seminar-type-thing. As previously mentioned, because of Kay’s acoustics, a lot of the classes/events were being held there. At an unknown time, just as one of the seminar classes was ending, lightning struck the Cupcake. The flame on top of the building was struck by lighting and caught on fire. I’m beginning to think that the architect of Kay was not so much hungry when he designed it as COMING OFF OF AN ACID TRIP. Seriously. Look at the picture. No, your eyes do not deceive you. Extending out of the roof of Kay (aka the icing on the cupcake) is a GIANT METAL ROD SHAPED LIKE A FLAME. Anyone who lives anywhere on the east coast knows that while we get the occasional, summer long drought, this place is NOT THE SAHARA. We do, in fact, get thunder/lightning/electrical storms. A lot of them. I’m sorry but when you put a giant-metal-fork-like-thing on top of a building in the MIDDLE OF THE QUAD, what do you think is going to happen? Seriously. Put down the pot, acid, coke, crack or whatever your doing, get a pair of binoculars and look. Just look at that building. It’s an accident waiting to happen.

Yes people. I pay forty thousand dollars a year to go here. And guess what? I love it.

Sometimes my heart just sings...

I think this makes me happy because a) it was taken right outside a church and b) we all look stoned even though we weren't.

So...this has been quite an interesting week to say the least...Kat's friend Rick came to visit. He turned out to be QUITE the awesome human being and I'm truly glad I got the opportunity to meet/be-friend him.

I have another little lesson of life for y'all today. Perhaps I should just write a damn book already. But we all know I won't do that as I am far too lazy.

Anyways...let the story telling commence...
...once upon a time...

...OK, screw that...we're going to tell this story the RIGHT WAY, rather then the Grimm way.

So it's Thursday night, and Adam and I demand a re-match of Taboo against Rick and Kat (who utterly raped us in the previous game). Tom and Rob decide to join the game as well. Rob joins our team, Tom goes to Kat and Rick.

Long story short...Adam, Rob and I lost horribly (though Adam and I were really the only ones playing and playing well in our team) and somehow Rob convinced us to go back to his room and watch Family Guy (oh..that's right..he promised beer (which Adam wanted) and I hadn't seen Family Guy in forever).

Basically I don't feel like giving details but it was an odd night indeed and I think I finally ended up falling to sleep aroudn 6am.

I had class at 9:55 people. BBAAHH. GAR. ANGST. RAGE.

So basically I survived the day, but didn't get a chance to rest up at all for that night. I wasn't really planning anything...insane...but it happened. I ended up drinking Sex on the Beach w/ some absolutely wonderful people (Kathryn, Rachel, Kendra, Matt, Mike and Chris) for a while. HONESTLY I WAS NOT PLANNING ON DRINKING THAT MUCH. But the major folley with SotB is that the juice is so strong you can't really taste the vodka. Vodka, as most my college-going-friends will know, is pretty damn strong. So one minute I was pretty much sober, the next minute I was curled up in bed saying "Noo, noo, noo, I didn't mean to get this drunk!!" Then Rachel and I decided to go visit Adam. She (being an even lighter weight then me) was completely wasted and instead of knocking on his door said "AHOY!" Adam figuring it was drunken morons, didn't answer, so we went searching the lounges for him. I distinctly remember nearly falling into a door (much like the Texan) at some point here. So I decide to call Adam and the conversation went like this...
Adam: *answers* Well hi there Ash
Ash: *drunken* HHEEELLLOOO my darling Adam, and where are you?
Adam: my room
Ash: But we were just there...*begins walking back down the hall...Rachel passes and begins banging loudly on the door*
Adam: *opening door* Well I figured it was drunken idiots at my door...and it was..I just didn't know I was friends with them.
*Hugs*

At this point I kicked over his guitar accidently (luckily its a cheap one) and did a shot of SoCo (god don't ask me why). We chatted for a while then he came back up to the 5th floor w/ me to partake in the absolutely delicious SotB. Again, we watched TV for a while before I schlepped back to north where I proceeded to drunk IM Shea and then collapse into bed with a very mild hangover.

The moral of the story is pretty simply kids...if you're going to drink, make sure you get one hour of sleep for every drink you take.

Fast forward to Saturday night...Adam, Shea and I were going to watch Bio-Dome but Shea backed out so Adam and I just hung out..I think the highlight of the evening was when we were talking to Rachel online and we had her convinced a) that Adam (who was typing) was me and b) there were very dirty, naughty things occuring. I'm posting part of the conversation here (SNs edited for anti-stalking purposes):

Rachel (12:10:29 AM): BOO
Rachel returned at 12:10:29 AM.
catori sedai (12:10:50 AM): Boo right back at you, beeyatch!
Rachel (12:10:57 AM): lol
catori sedai (12:11:07 AM): In fact...Dudley Boo Right bakc at you!
Rachel (12:11:35 AM): haha
catori sedai (12:12:47 AM): haha. Sorry, i'm feeling odd at the moment. What's up?
Rachel (12:13:03 AM): not much
rachel (12:13:15 AM): i just got done stuffing myself on chinese food with sara
catori sedai (12:13:49 AM): Ah, to be stuffed...stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey
catori sedai (12:13:55 AM): or a Christmas turkey
catori sedai (12:13:58 AM): or a porn star
Rachel (12:14:02 AM): yes lol
catori sedai (12:15:36 AM): sorry, im slightly drunk and apparently when im drunk i turn into adam.
Rachel (12:15:53 AM): you're drinking AGAIN?
catori sedai (12:16:09 AM): yeah, apparently adam's a lush too
Rachel (12:16:17 AM): you're drinking with adam?
catori sedai (12:16:38 AM): sorry rache, im actually kidding, im not drinking yet but adam is here
Rachel (12:16:53 AM): lol
catori sedai (12:18:00 AM): So, how was little Rachel this fine morning?
Rachel (12:18:10 AM): i was fine
rachel (12:18:20 AM): except that i woke up in chris's room, completely confused
catori sedai (12:18:39 AM): You just made Adam spealk in tongues!!!!
Rachel (12:18:53 AM): why?
catori sedai (12:19:23 AM): he laughed. very hard. and ash spilled water down her shirt.
catori sedai (12:19:28 AM): it was cold and unpleasant.
Rachel (12:19:31 AM): LOL
Rachel (12:19:52 AM): i think you have been drinking just a tiny bit
catori sedai (12:21:14 AM): No, it was just water, not rum...delicious, delicious rum...sweet mother of all that is good, giver of life...my lover...and I like percodan too
Rachel (12:21:32 AM): ash....you ok?
catori sedai (12:22:35 AM): adam has taken possession of my soul....anything i say is said at his discretion
Rachel (12:23:40 AM): lol
Rachel (12:23:51 AM): omg im gonna come over there and find out whats going on
catori sedai (12:24:07 AM): Okay; but there's nudity..and gymnastics
catori sedai (12:24:23 AM): Seriously though, you're perfectly welcome
Rachel (12:24:35 AM): lol
catori sedai (12:26:33 AM): c'mon, join the naked fun
catori sedai (12:26:36 AM): you know you want to
Rachel (12:26:46 AM): no, you and adam go ahead having sex
Rachel (12:26:49 AM): i'll stay right here
catori sedai (12:27:20 AM): but adam's sitting here covered in whipped cream and he's quite delicious
Rachel (12:28:22 AM): OMG ::throws up::
catori sedai (12:28:55 AM): you're hurting his feelings and hes now ashamed of his nakedness...much like the biblical adam

And that my fellow Internet Children, is the end of yet another long, angsty, odd and slightly confusing cycle of the Life of Ash. Tune in next week to watch Rick kidnap Ash and forces her to spend eternity as his soulmate (Rick, please forgive the plagarism, that just made me chuckle so much).

Addendum #1: Chiron continues to happily bash me over the head with the beloved yet dreaded MALLET OF INSPIRATION.