This is your life and it's ending one second at a time.

So...as most of you know, I have an unhealthy obsession with many things. Russia, for one. I have an inexplicable love for all things Russian. Another thing that I'm strangely obsessed with is death. Maybe it was because I wrote a paper on death, entirely the night before it was due, that ended up being 18 pages long and got a 100% on it. Perhaps it was the fact that I lost an important member of my family to the cold, calculating cluthes of Grim Reaper every year from the age of 5 to the age of 17. Or who knows, it could have been the fact that I gave my grandfather's eulogy. On my fifteenth birthday. Then mourned his death for over a year. Call me crazy, but it could have been a combination of all these factors. Regardless of the cause, the result is the same. I'm slightly obsessed with the afterlife.

I've always said that in order to truly live, you have to feel death entirely. That doesn't mean you have to fight it, kicking, screaming and clawing out the eyes of the Angel of Death. It simply means that you have to embrace your destiny, accept when it is your time to go (that means no extraordinary means of life preservation. Come near me with a feeding tube and I'll take you down with me) and try to remain in a semi cognizant state (that means avoid the painkillers).

I've also always said that I do not want to live for an excessive amount of time either. To see all my friends and my generation leave, to be a burden on my family, that is not for me. Past the age of 80, give me a damn cyanide pill. It's the quality of life that counts, not the quantity (cliche, I know. Deal with it).

However, while I have no desire to live past the age of 80, that DOES NOT MEAN THAT I WANT TO DIE AT 19!!!!! I say, quite frequently actually, "this may kill me yet" but I think today I said it and I actually meant it. I have no less then 12 separate assignments due this week. It's probably going to total around 50 pages of writing and a LOT of studying for Statistics. Maybe it's retrospect playing it's nasty little mind games with me again, but I do not remember the end-of-the-semester crunch being this bad in December. Pretty it was not, but it COULD NOT have been this bad.

So basically...I can sum it up pretty simply. Are you ready for this?

Reason Number 875 I'm glad I decided not to take summer classes: MY BRAIN WILL BE FRIED AFTER THIS WEEK. Literally. Come Tuesday, I will not be able to speak a coherent, reasonable sentence.

So this shall be my last update before May, I believe. Unless something amazingly funny or life changing happens. Expect my next post to be something along the lines of the typical "This year went by so fast.." nonsense as well as much love for the people I've met down here.

A note to my beloved muse: Chiron, if you come anywhere near me with the MALLET OF INSPIRATION, inspiring ANYTHING but amazing, insightful and intelligent academic prose, I will set you on fire, dance through your ashes then put your remains in a graveyard so you can't return to life. I've been meaning to visit Arlington for a while.

PS: I'm really not insane. I know Chiron is not a living entity capable of being set on fire. Attribute it to insanity please, and continue on your merry way.

.Carpe diem.

Adieu