Dilemma 2.0

OK...so...after being chastized by a few loved ones for dropping off the face of the planet so frequently, I have finally decided to give valid reasons why I've been doing this so often of late (to those of you who don't talk to me often enough to know exactly what's been going on in my life). However, I'm doing this for very selfish reasons...
...basically, some of those who read this are among the smartest and most emotionally mature people I know...some aren't...however; all of you know me pretty well and can probably give me relatively unbiased answers to my question.

So...Dilemma 2.0...let's start in the beginning, shall we?

Monday of the week before last, I was in California and around 8am, I got a call from the JCC saying that one of their counselors quit and the position was open to me if I wanted it, I said I was in CA at the time (and I use the term "said" very loosely...that early in the morning I can barely put two syllables together let alone coherent sentences) and would get back to them the following Monday, when I returned to Pennsylvania.

OK, cool.

I get back, go in and decide to take the job. The JCC, of course, I knows that I can only work around my Arby's schedule for my first week and they're OK with that.

I'm not going to lie to you people, you don't deserve that..I LOVE my JCC position. The kids are great, it's a lot of fun and it's a LOT less stressful than Arby's. I do believe I just saw Satan ice skating on Lester's pond, Ash finally found a job she likes!!! GASP!

No, I do not get to skip off into a ruby sky, for god is cruel and mocks me with his lightning rod of death.

I told my managers that effective immediately, if at all possible, I could only work nights and weekends, but since I wasn't able to give them 2 weeks notice, they couldn't accomodate my needs.

Basically...the long and short of it is...I'm scheduled to work 2 jobs at once next week...

Now, let me lay it out for you people...we'll get this into the most basic of terms...

Arby's is a horrible job. It's stressful, one of my managers is the world's biggest bitch and it's not going to enhance my career. At all. However, they did give my a job when no one else would (because I'm only going to be here for the summer, after all), the money's OK and I get a lot of hours.

JCC is a great job and I really enjoy it, I make slightly less money then at Arby's and get slightly less hours, but I don't think its enough to make the decision for me in favor of Arby's. JCC was a bitch to me back when I first applied, having me chasing paper for 2 weeks and not even having the decency to tell me that I didn't get the job, however; I'm trying to look past that as I did get one in the end.

Neither job is going to enhance my resume, though JCC is certainly more worthwhile and both provide me with a job for next summer.

The straightforward and obvious answer is pretty simple...QUIT FUCKING ARBY's. Non? I hate it, I now have the opportunity to do something that I enjoy, so why should I stick with it?

It's a complex answer...but it's all because of my dad. Daddy was the one who taught me work ethic, the value of having your own money and being able to do with it what you wish. Half the time, talking with him is the only way I get through my day's at Arby's because he'll always be here when I get home, exhausted and angry, telling me, "it's just for now...remember, you were meant for greater things than this (I almost cried when he told me that)". So, along with my very very strong work ethic, I also got Dad's loyalty to companies. You must remember, this is the man who was almost destroyed by Harley Davidson, before he finally escaped. At the end of it all, I feel loyalty and obligation to Arby's. I know that they existed long before me and will continue to exist long after me, but at the end of it, I still feel tied to the place. I felt this toward's Wendy's too, remember how long it took me to finally quit that place? Remember how far they had to push me before I finally get fed up?

My question to y'all, therefore; is WHAT SHOULD I DO? My options are...
1) Tell the JCC that I don't think I can provide them with what they need and quit
2) Quit Arby's
3) Call off work at Arby's every day that they schedule me to work during the day time and just do my weekend hours.

I ask you to take all points into consideration.

What I really meant to say...is I'm sorry for the way I am...

So...to all of those who tried to text message and/or call me these past 9 days, my apologies. I tend to drop off the face of the planet when I'm out of town, even moreso when I'm hanging out w/ the best friend. Thus is life.

Anyways...a quick rundown of my excursion to LA...
1) Airports without terminals are cool.
2) Matzah ball soup
3) Wedding Crashers. 'Nuff said.
4) Irwindale...home of a brewery...Azusa...home of those who keep the brewery in business.
5) The Huntington was completely worth it...
6) Insomniac Music Theatre
7) Panda song. Don't even ask...you don't want to know...
8) Bob and Ron
9) Living with a psychiatrist for extended periods of time messes with your head...
10) Cabernet Sauvignon
11) Motorhomes
12) Fighting back the morning by curling up into a little ball

and finally...le piece de resistance...

13) You walked right in to that wearing a big hat that says "fuck with my head"

Let's see...in related news...while I was away...my mom managed to wreck both my car and my dad's car simultaneously...in our driveway...that takes wicked skill...

A longer or more interesting entry when I'm not a) jetlagged and b) feeling horribly horribly disoriented...

But just for good measure...apparently I pronounce certain words (orange, bagel, horrible) with a Pennsylvania accent. Woot.

Don't wanna bite the hand that's feeding...(if for even 2 seconds you thought this was a reference to 9" Nails, you need a good ass kicking)

...So...I'm watching my neighbors (the Gloriosos) animals for them while they're at the beach. It's kind of an inconvience, but it's actually quite awesome...you have to understand...the animals I'm watching are

a) Chloe. Beagel. Very rotund, very similar in appearance to a rather large sausage.
b) Blackberry. Black cat (all black). This cat is so damn weird it's hilarious...he rolls on to his back and bats at you with his paws then lets you scratch his stomach.

Now Chloe is a nice, sweet little puppy but she just cannot compare to Blackberry's awesomeness. I mean...it's an all black cat...you really just don't get any better than that. Add into it that this thing is like the kamikaze cat and you just get a pet that is cooler than belief. Never will I forget the first time I watched this cat...I walked into Emily's room to feed it, glanced to my left and it was hanging off the wall. It glanced at me with its golden eyes and dared me to question it's motives and continued to happily claw its way up the wall toward whatever end it was seeking.

So I've decided...if I can't have Blackberry (and somehow I think that the Gloriosos would notice if he was missing) I'm going to have a black cat. If I have to get allergy shots every week and train it to crawl up walls myself, I am going to own a cat that is as cool as Blackberry.

Somehow, I don't think my gramma would be very happy with this. She was a ridiculously superstitious woman (I think I'm the only family member who doesn't flip out over broken mirrors and will happily walk under a ladder). If she had a grave to roll over in, she would at the thought of someone in the family owning a black cat. Luckily, she was cremated...well..maybe not so lucky...those ashes will be mine one day and I can see her coming back to life just long enough to beat me over the head with a broom (she was infamous for doing that). I can see the conversation now...

Gramma: *smack* WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!
Ash: *confused* Wait...you died...OMG!!!
Gramma: *smack*
Ash: OWW! I have so many questions!
Gramma: *smack* Don't *smack* care *smack*
Ash: STOP THAT!
Gramma: *smack* GET RID OF THE CAT!
Ash: NO!!!
*Smacking continues for hours, neither relenting*
Gramma: Dammit...gotta get back to the afterlife...but don't think this is over missy!!!!
Ash: *calls Kelli* Hey sis...so you said you've been wanting to keep gramma's ashes for a little while....?

I am...the most...ridiculous person on the planet...

Would you like me to present the evidence? OK...here goes...

1) I almost got thrown into jail in a third world country (Costa Rica)
2) My first experience with intoxication/hangovers was in Barbados
3) I almost got stranded in Jamaica because I got distracted at a water fall
4) I dance in the rain to music that's in my head
5) I have befriended profs in the line at SubWay
6) I once made 2 or 3 horrible mistakes that ended up in me and Jo walking the entire way around a mall to get to our movie (through a torrential rainstorm)
7) The ENTIRITY of the Anderson 348 (not that any of it actually STAYED in Anderson 348)
8) I have been told that I'm cute by a gay man in a bathroom at a club in Dupont..while we were both using it and then proceeded to have a conversation with aforementioned gay man about UVA vs AU
9) I have walked around Dupont at 2 in the morning...and proceeded to get lost in a bookstore looking for the bathroom (Kramer's, yeah, that place is crazy...who the hell puts a bathroom on the 4th floor...and who actually uses a TOKEN to get in!?)
10) Senior Week. 'nuff said. (Jo...I will love you forever because of this week alone...)
11) Senior Week 1.5 (Jo...you will OWE me forever because of these 2 days alone!)
12) I have passed out in a friend's bed...only to wake up in aforementioned friend's roommate's bed (w/o the roommate in it!)
13) I have debated universal principles...at 2 in the morning...on the track...
14) I love red wine and white roses.
15) I've watched the sun rise over the city...without ever having gone to sleep
16) I am condemned to work in fast food. FOREVER.
17) I want a fedora. A lot.
18) One of my dreams is to get kicked out of the Vatican by the Swiss Guard for wearing short pants
19) I learned how to drive a stick out of boredom.
20) A guy once offered me oral sex...at the drive thru window I was working @ Wendy's...
21) I once got held up at LAX for almost 2 hours because they thought I was a terrorist.
22) I had prom pictures taken with my high school principal/AP US History teacher
23) I got 3 detentions in high school. They were all for uniform infractions.
24) A car I was in nearly flipped in a slippery field...we were saved only by Benj's weight in the back seat.
25) I retrained an abused ex-racehorse named Clyde.
26) Aforementioned ex-racehorse threw me into a fence.
27) Oddly enough, spending a summer studying European prisons sounds amazing to me.
28) I will always have a crush on a least one of my professors
29) I failed my permit test, but aced my driver's test without any points. They thought I bribed my tester (who was about the size of Shamu)
30) I have an unhealthy obsession with a panda in San Diego named Gao Gao
31) I want to marry a Russian
32) I have detailed plans to take over the world
33) I lost my shoes and nearly had my arm broken in a mosh pit.
34) I have the entirity of the movies "Bio Dome" and "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" memorized...
35) I find the term "Coke! No Smoky!" utterly hilarious
36) I have a sitting room.
37) I have a friendship based entirely on insulting and kicking each other in the ass (ahem Dillon)

...and the be all, end all...the utter proof that I am too ridiculous for words...

38) A tornado hit my car. While I was in it...and a window nearly got shattered into my face.

Tests have proven that PA drivers are better than both Maryland and New Jersey...recent experiences verify that information

...Today, I stared evil straight in the face...Today, I was stuck behind a soccer mom in traffic...

Blasphemy, you say. Pure evil? A soccer mom? Surely not. They are everywhere and while evil runs rampant in places like Tanzania and SE DC, surely evil is not prevelent in Red Lion...the town named after a bar...There are a few things I'd like to point out...and I'm going to systematically go through all of them...and I think, in the end, you'll agree with me...this was pure evil in a nutshell.

1) Soccer mom driving a massive SUV, a Ford Expedition or something. Don't lie to yourself. This is inherently wrong. There's some sort of genetic marker that just SCREAMS whenever I see a soccer mom talking on a phone with about 5 kids in the back of her car. What I love is watching them fill up their gas tanks...at around 2.20/gallon, they could probably put at least one of their mediocre kids through college AND grad school if they got a fucking Civic.

2) This was no ordinary soccer mom. THIS SOCCER MOM WAS FROM JERSEY. Yes, it's true I live in Pennsylvania, and yes, it's true, we do actually share a common border with the Garden State. HOWEVER, much to my dismay, we're not in Philly people. WTF are they doing in York, 2 hours away? Visiting family? A dying relative? I don't care. Get away with me, you horrible horrible drivers you. A friend of mine once observed that Jersey-ians are actually excellent drivers, in Jersey. Once they cross a state line though it's like they become unaligned with the earth's electro-magnetic field or something and they go into a panic...they're like birds off course, going off the road, swerving, slamming on brakes. Honest to god, I thought I was going to die....

3) She apparently did not know the proper use for brakes. By this I do not mean she didn't use them...I mean she used them in excess. Apparently she was never taught the concept of "tapping" so to make up for her lack of knowledge...she rode her brakes. All the time. Going up hill. Apparently she also never learned the general rule of physics...that rule being that GRAVITY will naturally slow down a car that's moving against it...but hey, whatever, it's OK that you have a line of traffic 5 miles long behind you...you just keep riding those brakes...then go to get them replaced and have the mechanics cheat you out of money. That's right...just another way to keep your kids out of college!!!

4) She had vanity tags. Anyone who actually has vanity tags should be get a) a swift kick in the ass followed immediately by b) a Glock to the temple. As you can tell...I have much, much, much hatred towards vanity tags and those who own them.

5) She had STICKERS ALL OVER HER CAR. It does not matter what the stickers said (though I feel it necessary to point out that it was pro-life and Bush/Cheney stuff)*, people who put an absurd amount of stickers (aka more than 2) on their car really just need to die. It's tacky and completely classless. Furthermore...if you need to show your support in things by putting it on your car...well then, a) you really don't care about it that much or b) you just want people to believe that you care about something besides yourself and your sad, pathetic life. Congratulations, I don't want you supporting ANY organization that I do. I also don't want you breathing my air...people who aren't quite as vapid/shallow as you need it.

* I feel it necessary to clarify, I hate anyone who puts more than 2 stickers on their car...doesn't matter what thos stickers say or what ideas they convey or what ideologies they support...whether its Kerry/Edwards or Bush/Cheney...pro life or pro choice...I hate stickers on cars.

So...in the end...a simple mathematical equation sums it up...1+2+3+4+5+*=EVIL EVIL EEEVVIIILLLLL

On another note...the other day...I was driving behind a Marylander...this is actually a commonly accepted occurance...I mean, I am, what, 20 minutes from the Mason Dixon? Anyways...yeah...so...this guy was driving along on 30 west at around 65 mph...watching TV. As he drove. I'm not kidding. He had a little TV attached to his console and was watching it. How could I tell he was watching it? Well...he was swerving all over the road...and when I passed him...well...his attention was clearly diverted at something slightly downward and to the right...oddly enough...I find myself hoping to god that it was the TV and not something else entirely unseen.

I feel like I shouldn't be thinking, in my head, that this guy was a better driver than Jersey Soccer Mom, just because he didn't cover his car (a BMW) with stickers...

Will someone please hold me while I cry?