I was reading through journal entries from the summer before I left for DC (2 years ago for those well acquainted with the interior decor of the short bus) and I just can't believe how very different I am now. The changes have all been very gradual, so I only notice them when doing a comparison of...say...dates or events, but they are there.
Sure, there are some aspects of me that are pretty much the same...Botticelli and Rembrandt are still my favourite artists, Shinedown's 45 will always remind me of my dad and I'll probably never figure out the correct usage of the comma, but the overarching theme of the past two years has apparently been change like it's hot. Some of the differences I can identify...I've curbed my rampant liberalism a bit in favor of moderation on many issues, my academic focus shifted from medieval European history to justice theory and public policy and...let's face it...I have friends whose livers could give Chernobyl and Three Mile Island a run for their money. But there are some changes in me that I wouldn't (and don't) notice unless they're pointed out to me by some sort of third party (the advice of whom I typically ignore out of a gradually strengthening fear of being controlled).
Overall, I guess I have a pretty good idea who I was and who I am now and, for the most part, I'm OK with that (both people were/are approrpriate for their life situations and when I stumble to a mirror to brush my teeth in the morning (I still do that obsessively) I don't want to gouge out my eyes with a Q-tip (that I still buy en masse) ). What I'm completely lost on is who I'll be and what I'll be doing two years from now.
I can't even begin to speculate on who I'll be. The greatest influences on my life have always been the people I'm closest with and god only knows who's going to come along and shove me in another direction. That's not to say I'm going to forsake those I hold in my heart. Far from it. Experience has proven to me that those worth their weight in gold tend to have some pretty impressive staying power and right now I've got a few front runners that are pretty much straight money.
Where I'll be and what I'll be doing is a little easier to speculate on. Given my personality and background, there's only so many avenues one can take and be able to sleep at night. With (I hope) a bachelors in hand will I be enjoying the final summer of my undergrad work as I prep for the long haul that is the definition of every juris doctorate program in the State's that's worth it's salt? Will I be in graduate work, honing my public policy skills and training my mind to think like a scholar? Will I forsake academic integrity and legitimacy for the all mighty dollar? Or will I just say screw it all, move to a commune in California and start smoking a lot of marijuana?
I guess, at the end of the day, I'm finally admitting to myself that I don't know where I'm headed. I've got a compass though, and a taser, so I think I should be able to find my way without too many problems. Setbacks I can handle, creepy truckers are an entirely different matter though.
It scares me that I can't say, with absolute certainty, where I'll be in two years, but it's also exhilarating. Fear's one of the biggest driving forces in humanity and, since I'm not lacking in that anymore, I think it's a pretty safe assumption to say that I'll go pretty damned far.
At the very least, this means I don't have to kill $30 on LSAT prep books yet.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment