See title of Blog.

As all of you know, the other week I was home in Pennsylvania on Spring Break and (as so often is the case) I was talking on the phone (I need to get it surgically removed from my ear) with TSB. It was nearly the end of break and she questioned "excited to go back?" To which I replied "Yeah, I miss my friends, my bed, hell, I even miss some of my classes." TSB, ever the intuitive one, queried "What about your city? Don't you miss DC?" Without thought I said "Yeah, of course. That goes without saying."

About a week later I walking through the Quad, back to my dorm, when I glanced up and saw the spires of the National Cathedral in the distance. Despite the fact that the Cathedral is not original at all, and was modeled entirely after Notre Dame, it is still a spectacular sight. In the past when I saw the Cathedral I'd sigh, stare for a moment and smile. That day I felt absolutely nothing. I wanted to shrug, say "whatever" and continue on my not-so-merry way. This combined with my nonchalant answer about my longing for the city had me utterly frightened. I was afraid that DC had somehow lost its majesty and appeal. I can't live in a place that doesn't inspire me. I can exist there, but true life escapes me in such places. This is how York makes me feel. The only time I feel happy and alive in York is at night, for the stars shine brighter there than anywhere else in my opinion and they make Chiron sing with joy or when I'm at the barn and contentness seeps into my bones. But I digress...I was afraid and questioning my already questionable sanity. So when a week later Adam suggested we wander the Federal Triangle area, I jumped at the chance. Where better to gauge my true emotions then the heart and soul of the District?

Today dawned beautiful and sunny. Kat, Adam and I decided to get off the metro at Metro Centre and walk to Federal Triangle. As the sun set and the lights of the city began to burn, my soul sang. It was just so beautiful. The buildings in this area of the District are pristine, the lights soft and non-flourescent and it's just an amazing sight. A city, but not a city. We stumbled across a little duck pond by the Warner Theatre and as I watched one of the mallords land in the water I wanted to dance.

Then I realized what my problem has been. First off, the weather of late has not been wonderful. Cold and snowy, it's not productive to the imagination to stay inside or on campus, but it's simply too miserable outside to do anything else. When I went to the city, it was never to the heart, to the place where I feel the most connection and the most content, but to random places scattered about for specific purposes. To Dupont for the picture shop or Kramer's, to Pentagon City to the mall or to Rosslyn to gape at the massive metrosculator (just kidding). Even when I went to Federal Triangle or the Smithsonian it was for the National Art Gallery or the Botannical Gardens or some such activity. To just meander about, with no purpose, destination or care, is the only way to truly enjoy this city.

Another realization I had was an interesting one. When I went to the city these past few months, it was never really for me or for the District itself, it was for the company. I've met and befriended some of the most amazing, talented people I've ever known here. Getting to know them and having the opportunity to build strong friendships with them has been a great journey that I think will continue for a very long time. A bond I think a lot of us share is getting to know this city and each other at the same time which is a beautiful thing. But one crucial element for happiness (at least mine) is developing a relationship between myself and the city alone without other people there. It's integral to my independence and something that I had definitely been neglecting. But at the end of the day, once again, should I find myself alone, sad as I might be, I will move on and continue with life. That is something I think was missing from my life for a while, something I have had for a very long time, something that I need and something that I will have again.

Today, without even knowing it but just by their presense, Adam and Kat made me realize how lucky I am to have such amazing people in my life (not just them...DCers and Yorkers alike). By standing by that duck pond, sometimes talking, occasionally silent, they helped me realize my disconnection from the city and (more importantly) myself. Though it took others to make me realize it, only I can rebuild the lost ties. And I shall, perhaps with the help of Chiron, those bonds will be stronger than ever.