I prefer the silence.

Well...yet another humorous (I hope) update from the land of fast food...aka Arby's...

As many of you may know, I typically do not befriend people I work with...I very seldom have much in common with them, aside from shared hatred of our job....conversations would go something like this...

Random Arby's Employee: Hey
Ash: Hey.
*silence*
Ash: So work sucks...
Random Arby's Employee: Yep. Sure does, yo.
Ash: *dies*
Random Arby's Employee: Word.

...so, in order to avoid a painful and ghastly death, I keep my co-workers at arm's length. However...every now and then there are one or two who are just too damn funny not to love...and today, I am here to talk about the antics of one called Brian.

Now, for my YCers...I ask you to remember Paschke...put red hair on him and a more outlandish sense of humour and you have Brian. Literally. It's mildly frightening. For my non-YCers...Brian is an overly enthusiastic, mildly obnoxious, outwardly self confidant teddy bear. He's about 6'4 and is a pretty big guy overall.

Now picture that lumbering towards you asking for a hug. This is my life on a daily basis. However, I am not here to discuss the therapy one must go through after being forced to be hugged by Brian..but I am here to relay the experiences of two others...and now...I go into dramatic writing mode...

Setting: Arby's. 7pm. Jeremy the Thug is going on break and waiting in line to get something to eat. Ashley is refilling marinara sauces over in the corner. Brian is taking Jeremy the Thug's order.
Jeremy the Thug: What up, yo. Get me some *insert random Arby's food here* And give me my goddamn 50% discount. Word, yo.
Brian: *jokingly* I refuse to give you the discount.
JtT: WTF?!!?
Brian: *continues to joke* No disocunt for you. HAHAHAHA!
*Ashley is unaware of the antics at the front register, and continues happily filling up the marinaras*
*Brian and Jeremy the Thug begin to physically struggle over the discount. Both are deadlocked, gripping each other over the register. Ashley turns around and sees what appears to be two very large men embracing each other while screaming*
Ashley: OK...whatever...didn't know y'all were into that but whatever gets you through the night...
Jeremey the Thug: *mortified* THIS IS ABOUT MY DISCOUNT!
Ashley: Regular customer of Brian's then, eh? Didn't know he was so much in demand...
Jeremey the Thug: *dies*
Brian: *falls over laughing* Jeremey the Thug...you and I have just had an Arby's moment...give me a hug...we need to commemorate this event...
Jeremey the Thug: NO WAY MAN! *darts off across the restaurant at a lope*
*Brian proceeds to chase Jeremy the Thug around the restaurant with his arms open, demanding a hug. Jeremy the Thug darts past Ashley with a wild, frantic look in his eyes*
Jeremy the Thug: HELP ME!
Brian: I JUST WANT A HUG!!!!

And on to story number 2!! Unfortunately, I was not present for this one...but I will do the best I can to relay the story as accurately as humanly possible.

Setting: Arby's. Pre-lunch Rush. Brian has just been yelled at by a customer and is feeling rather blue so he asks Val, the Kung Foo Ninja Drive Thru Lady, for a hug to make him feel better...the following conversation ensues...

Brian: I am so sad. Woe is me. Val, can I have a hug?
Val, the Kung Foo Ninja Drive Thru Lady: *brightly* Wait one second Brian! Wait right here! I'll be right back! *Trots off happily to the back office*
Brian: OK.
*Val, the Kung Foo Ninja Drive Thru Lady runs to the back and returns holding a piece of paper*
Brian: What's that?
V,tKFNDTL: This is the sexual harassment policy of Sybra, Inc. Let me read it to you in it's entirity.
*V,tKFNDTL proceeds to read through 2 pages describing the nature, effects and punishment policy of sexual harassment to a dumbstruck Brian, who has been glued into place either by shock or by Kung Foo Val*
Brian: BUT I JUST WANTED A HUG!!!!