*Insert random lyrics from Sahara here*

Today was...mildly entertaining at best...Work was slow as hell until around 1215 and then people just came en masse. It was kind of horrifying. You haven't felt fear until an angry business exec nearly ripped your hand off with his black Audi A6 stick shift...while he talked on his cell phone...And still I had to say "Thank you, have a good one, please come see us again soon!" Damn customer courtesy. Damn it straight to hell. I just want to scream "LIES! I don't want ANY OF YOU to come back! EVER! And I hope you go home and find your house burned down so that way maybe you'll leave me alone. MWAHAHA!"

Oh...aforementioned customer in black Audi A6 avec stick shift hit on me. He was like 50. Well yay. I think my reaction of "LIES! etc etc etc" was approrpriate. C'est la vie. Nothing could be as bad as the time I got hit on at a gas station at 1 in the morning...that was just bbaadddd.

So anyways...after my shift I had to head over to see Dr. Friedrich about the little bump on my arm. This little bump is in no way, shape or form painful. It's slightly raised and slightly discoloured, but I've had it as long as I can remember so I never really gave it any thought. My paranoid mother thought it "changed" in shape or colour or something and insisted that I see a dermatologist. For some odd reason she seemed to think that she knows the little bump on my arm better than I do..even though, you know, it's on my body. But hey, whatever. I only fight the battles that are a) worthwhile and b) have a good chance of winning. This particular battle had neither possibility and therefore wasn't worth the effort...sure it inconvienced me a bit, but whatever.

So...Dr. Friedrich...actually, he's my neighbor and I've known him since I was about 10 years old. I don't think I would recognize him if we were walking on the street, but since he had my chart and I knew I was going to see my neighbor we were all chatty chatty chatty once he finally came into the office (30 minutes late). Basically...I think this particular visit to the doctor can only be given full dialogue to be really appreciated...

*note: My mother insisted on going in to the doctor with me because she was afraid I would "downplay" the severity of the bump*

Me: Hey Dr. Friedrich, how are you?
Dr F: Good Ashley, yourself? Alvenia, how are you? It's been a while.
Me: Oh pretty good. Loving college
Alvenia: Fine as well, thanks.
Dr F: Ok Ash, what's going on?
Me: Well I've had this little bump on my arm since forev....
Alvenia *interrupting*: She's just recently developed this bump and then it CHANGED (even though Ashley says it didn't). And I think it's cancerous, even though I've had no medical training and I think my daughter's going to DIE!!!!!
Dr F: Yeah...you're psychotic...that's just some scar tissue...nothing to worry about!
Alvenia: But the bump cha...
Dr F: Ashley...did it change?
Me: Temporarily, but it went back to exactly as it was before.
Dr F: See? Nothing to be concerned about...
Alvenia: She doesn't know what's going on...
Dr F: I think she does, actually...
Alvenia: *waves arm around angrily*
Dr F: WAIT! What's that on your arm? That's a mole dear, not a freckle, and it could be cancerous...I need to remove it...make an appointment for the middle of August for surgery.
Alvenia: *silent*
Ashley: *gloats* I find it kind of amusing that you were so worried about something that I KNEW was absolutely nothing, but you wouldn't list to me, that you completedly neglected your own, hazardous moles.

No. I am not a cruel person for finding amusement in my mother's hazardous mole. She will be fine as it was not dangerous YET but only on the road to becoming as such. I gloat because even though I chose not to engage this particular battle...I still won. And do you know why I won? Because I was right...the bump was exactly what I said it was...a bump, nothing to be worried about. And I finally proved to ma mere that I know myself better than she does. Mwahaha.

Oh another note...of late, I've been driving the BMW around, rather than my SUV. That car makes my little heart SING. I was driving down East Market and I could actually WEAVE TRAFFIC. On East Market. Oh it was beautiful...absolutely beautiful. I looked every cop right in the eye and DARED him to give me a ticket...well, actually I begged and offered sexual favors for a clean record but hey...same difference, right? The only dim part of this excursion was getting on CBW. This is one of my favourite roads in the world...when I'm not behind GERIATRICS WHO DRIVE 13.5 mph!!! Friggin mutter grumble friggin mutter.

On another note...I invite everyone to give RICK a nice golf clap. He escaped the 13th layer of hell yesterday (also known as high school). Rick, darling, congratulations and much love. May you terrorize Susquehanna the same way my brother did (well...not quite the same way...I don't know if the world is ready for you as a frat boy jock...please never become a frat boy jock. Though you would make a damn good addition to my army...hmmm, I will have to contemplate this at a later date). After a day of Starbucks and a night of Family Guy and getting locked out of a dorm building...you can crash on my floor any day. Hell, I'll bring a sleeping bag next year just in case you decide to visit (and I think you should...picture it..you, me and Kat...it'll be glorious. Hughes will EXPLODE).