...

Yes, that's right...the title of this entry is "..." indeed. Why? Because I am literally speechless.

Now, everyone at AU has heard me rant about the Frat Monkeys, and a few people at home have as well, so I'm not going into details about the sitauation. So let's just suffice it to say that there is a very large group project about religion in Russia and the US, that somehow I got stuck with 2 Pi Kappa Alphas (PIKEs, for those of you who don't have their branches at your school). I was not happy...PIKE guys do not have the reputation of being decent human beings, not at all...and while Brendan and Alex were at least nice, neither of them knew anything about the topic and constantly missed/were late for our meetings, thus fucking up my schedule to no end. At any rate...once I discovered that I was partners with Frat Monkeys who declared themselves to be completely incompetent writers, I quickly volunteered to write the paper, if they would handle the research and the presentation. They eagerly agreed and I was relieved, because this paper is a huge part of our end grade.

Well...I was incredibly wrong....I had to meet with them several times over the course of a week and a half, because for some odd reason they felt it necessary that I be there...whatever...it didn't start bothering me until they started cancelling at the last minute.

So...presentation went pretty well, and the FMs gave me their research as well as notes so I could write the paper. *NOTE: I should have known this was going to be bad when it was changed from a 15 page maximum to a 15 page minimum* But last night, I got down to hardcore work on the paper and would you like to guess what I discovered? I can scarecely believe it myself.

They skipped over 300 years of Russian history. I am not exaggerating. They talked about Michael Romanov (the first Romanov who took the throne in 1613) then went straight to the BOLSHEVIK REVOLUTION IN 1917. When I saw this...I think I just sort of stared...it's not like they neglected to talk about one of the tsars...they didn't talk about ANY of them. They didn't do any research on any of them...and I'm just utterly speechless.

I can't even summon up the energy to rant about this, though a huge part of me wants to be indignant about the whole situation but I can't, because this is at least partially my fault. I really should have given them an idea of what sort of things they should cover, but never in my wildest dreams did I think that they could possibly just think it was OK to skip almost the entire Romanov dynasty... I mean, maybe one of the tsars or some sort of obscure policy but the entire royal line? They're the fucking ROMANOVS for the love of all that's good and decent.

I still maintain that I made the right decision, in offering to write the paper. Granted, about 2 or 3 extra hours of work has now been created for me, but at least I know exactly what else I have to cover...

Karma has once again proved, I am her bitch.

I find it mildly entertaining that...

...I will never have free time. Ever again. Earlier today I was attempting to figure out the best time to make a weekend excursion to Philly to visit Jo and would you like to guess what I discovered?

My next free weekend is November 11-13!! Actually..no..now it's more like December...because I fully intend to use that weekend to visit Jo...then immediately following that there is a debate in NYC that I'd *like* to go to...and immediately following that is Thanksgiving...

I can't decide if I really love my life...or if I'm just exhausted from it and therefore delerious. Did I spell that right?

Georgetown is far sketchier than Chinatown...

...and the sad part is...it's actually entirely true...

Last night Kat and I went to see Corpse Bride (excellent movie, I really do recommend it though I will warn you, it's creepy as all hell...even by Tim Burton's standards). So...it was an entirely innocent night...no alcohol, cocaine or acid was consumed, yet it still ended up being entirely amusing...

Let's just say that I forgot how ridiculous Georgetown can get late at night on a Friday...in cronological order...let's rehash the night, shall we?

-A very drunk, semi balding man approached Kat and I as we stood underneath a street light on Wisconsin...he proceeded to ask us if we wanted to get a cab with him...approximately 8 times...finally Kat snapped and said "Well, you can't get a cab here, but if you just walk up to the next block...I'm sure you can get one there" the man *giggled* and remained rooted in place...so Kat hailed a cab for him. After a few seconds of asking us if we wanted to ride home with him, he was finally away...thank you god.

-An entire cab full of moderately attractive guys pulled up to us, beginning the conversation with "Well heeeeeeellllllllllloooooooooo" to which Kat responded (very tactfully) "You're wasted." The leader of the posse proceeded to declare, rather fervently I might add, "No way! I'm sotally tober!!!!" Then, screamed, almost simultaneously at Kat and I was..."You're really fot!" and "I like your dress!!!"

At this point..Ash and Kat declare it to be faster to walk to Foggy Bottom/GWU and catch the metro....here is where the real fun begins...

On M Street, across the street from Georgetown Park Mall...Kat and Ash were assaulted by yet another cab full of really intoxicated men. These men were neither attractive nor witty and asked repeatedly if a) we'd like to go home with them and b) what was under Kat's skirt.

Enter FEAR, stage left.

Ash and Kat dart across M Street and begin walking the other direction, towards GWU. Appx 5 minutes later, Ash and Kat encounter 2 rather good looking, very mildly intoxicated guys, aged appx 21. One declares, in a loud voice while staring directly at Ash "Wow, you're really hot! Come home with me right now!" Ash proceeds to walk calmly in the other direction while aforementioned guy yells over his shoulder "Come home with me so I can rape you!!!"

Now comes the piece de resistance of the evening. Ash and Kat are walking rather quickly down M Street towards GWU when suddenly the pass a shortish, foreign looking man aged appx. 30 WHO BEGINS TO FOLLOW THEM!!! Ash and Kat fear for their lives before asking, in very exasperated tones, if they can help the man find whatever he's looking for. I think the next part of this conversation can only be done in dialogue...

Ash: Uh...can I help you?
Turkish Guy: I think you can...
Ash: Uh...what are you looking for?
Turkish Guy: I'm looking for love! *Proceeds to wrap an arm around Ash's shoulders*
Ash: Well, I certainly can't help you with that! But maybe if you look down there *points down Thomas Jefferson Ave* you'll find it!
Turkish Guy: Why are you lying to me?!?
Ash: Why are you touching me?!?!

Somehow...no one died that night...and no one was raped...but I think the best way to sum up the evening was with a quote of Adam's this morning at breakfast, when he learned some of our escapades...

*Cocks head with a mildly pained look in eyes* Wow...I'm really glad I'm not a woman...

It seems today..all you see...is violence in movies and sex on TV...

So...yeah...fountains are cool...

Let me clarify..I am neither high nor drunk and I have some very good reasons for stating this...but first, let's travel back through time in my newly purchased diamond encrusted time machine.

Last July I was in one of my angsty-don't-quite-know-what-to-do-with-my-life moods. I was home alone and miserable and it started pouring and lightning outside. It was beautifully and miserably fitting. So...I went outside and sat under the alcove of my front door and just of stared at my middle class life. Then, I suddenly had the realization...I treated my life the way I treated the rain...I was watched my life just like I watched the storm, refusing to take part in it for fear of looking stupid or being struck by lightning. So in that split second I made a decision. After a second of agonizingly telling myself "IF I DON'T DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW, MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD WILL BE LOST FOREVER!!" I jumped out from underneath the alcove and DANCED IN THE RAIN. It was spectacular, amazing and punctuated by green lightning. Especially since cars slowed down and watched my utter insanity.

Let me just clarify...according to my roommate...I AM WHITER THAN DONALD TRUMP. I cannot dance. At all. Even when drunk. In fact...when I'm drunk...it's worse!

However...there's a method to my madness. Tonight, I had a similar experience. In a moment of utter abandon and just coolness, Kat (my roommate) and I decided to dance in a fountain. Fully clothed. IT WAS AMAZING. It was just one of the few moments of my life where I stopped caring what the world thought...stopped caring about the consequences of my action (aka possible rape or pneumonia) and just did what I wanted to do. I am happy like whoa.

Incidently...when we got back to Hughes, we were stuck in a elevator full of frat boys. UTTER SILENCE. I am still laughing, and it is hours and hours later. Mwahaha.

I say don't you know...you say you don't know...

So...parents...yeah...they were here this weekend. It was a great deal of fun but somehow as we sat at dinner in Georgetown, we got to talking about my second grade year.

As you may or may not know, I consider 2nd grade to be my favourite year in all of my elementary years. I had the best teacher in the world (Mrs. Becker) who was the first person to really believe in me and whatever abilities I seemed to possess at the time (had her fooled, didn't I?) Oddly enough though...I think this was the year when my creativity really started flowing...for instance...upon being questioned on what the one thing in the world we wanted to have more than anything else...would anyone like to guess at what this was? I'll give you some hints...it was not the stereotypical "a TV in my room" or "a million dollars." So what was my response, you ask? Well...in short...in second grade, at approximately age 8, the one thing I genuinely wanted in the world..more than anything else...was, and I quote "to see the world though another person's eyes."

Exactly how fucked up was Ash as a young child? Very. Exactly how messed up is Ash as a young adult? Incredibly, considering the fact that my greatest ambition is still to see the world through the eyes of another. Actually though, my childhood ambition has grown and developed over the years and I think I understand the philosophical impact of my desire a bit more now...eleven years later.

However...this is not what I'm here to tell you about...I'm here to tell you about a story of woe, amusement and nothing but PAIN for all involved.

So..it was approximately December of 2nd grade and my clever teacher decided to have us write out what we wish we could give our parents for Christmas. I say clever because she must have realized the stress kids go through when they wonder what to get their parents when a) they have no money to spend and b) little to no drawing ability with which to make pretty pictures. Yay for Mrs. Becker. Interestingly enough...Mrs. Becker decided to invte the parents to a Christmas party in the classroom so the kids could present their presents with the papers we had written and coloured on...*insert weepy but happy "awwww" here*

There was actually a fairly good turnout, mostly mothers. Because let's face it, Ash grew up in upper middle class suburbia where wives drive SUVs and take care of the kids while the husband's drive BMWs and "take care" of their secretaries.

Now..if memory serves...both of my parents attended this event. Yay for being loved. So...after munching on way too much soda and cookies, we all took turns reading our little things and giving them to our parents. I was very excited about my paper, because I put a lot of thought into it and I figured out something that I thought my parents would both use and enjoy. I was very very pleased with myself. However, my last name being MacVeigh, I had to wait to go for quite a while. You can imagine that I was sitting on pins and needles the entire time. And while the other kids read off their presents (mostly consisting of blase and typical vacations or millions of dollars) I smirked knowingly, confident in my beliefs that mine was by far the most unique and useful present.

Would you all like to guess what my presents to my parents were? WOULD YOU?!?!?!?

MATCHING CALCULATORS. Yes, you read correctly. In 2nd grade, when given the opportunity to get my parents anything in the world, I chose to get them matching purple calculators.

WHAT THE HELL?!?! WHO DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! In my own defense...let me present my reasoning to you...my mom is an accountant. My dad is an engineer who likes to calculate his money. I THOUGHT THEY WOULD LIKE THE CALCULATORS. The best part is I actually think that I said "My daddy would like a calculator because he likes to count money" in front of the entire class.

The sad part was...I didn't realize just how messed up this was until the very end. My parents were gaping at me with awe, shock and amazement. And while the rest of the kids got very polite and midly enthusiastic applause...what did I get? UTTER SILENCE. It probably took about 30 seconds for people to realize that an 8 year old had just chosen to give her parents calculators for Christmas and finally clap sporadically at best.

Oddly enough...I stand by my freakishly...eh...presents. My parents still love bringing it up every chance they get...particularly my mother...I don't think she's ever gotten over the shock of it...

So...today's lesson kids? Don't have kids. They'll get up in front of the class, imply that you're a horrible person by giving you a calculator for Christmas and then say "DADDY LIKES TO COUNT MONEY!" in front of their entire class.

Also...I feel like this event explains a lot of my current idiosyncrasies.

Cheers to utter insanity.

So if you're lonely...you know I'll be here waiting for you...

Well, it appears as though my posting (for the time being at least) will be sporadic at best. I'm sorry...I'm sure all of you will survive, but on the off chance you weep in misery and pain, feel free to take a picture of me, hang it on a wall and throw darts at it repeatedly. Trust me, you'll feel better.

To all those who wished me happy birthday/bought me stuff this week...thank you very much...on September 8 I was filled with a very warm and fuzzy feeling that I can equate to nothing other than love. Yay for happiness.

My birthday was more or less a three day celebration...on the actual day (September 8), my roommates and I went out to a two hour long dinner at Angelico's which was actually a joint celebration (my birthday and Carey's leaving for Ireland). That particular celebratoin was punctuated with a videotape of me stuffing a large chunk of cheesecake in my mouth...I feel like somehow that is going to come back and bite me in the ass one day.

At any rate...cheesecake aside...we're charging on to Friday...went out to Lulu's with Rachel, Kathryn and a bunch of people from Leonard. Also an incredibly fun time. I looked stupid and I'm ok with that.

Yesterday (Saturday) Sara made a huge dinner which was delicious and shared by many people to commemorate Adam, Sara and me. The presents Rache and I gave to both of them went over very well, I think and afterwards I watched Adam and Shea own DDR and eventually settled down to watch way too much South Park. 6th grade flashbacks anyone? Eventually returned to the Empire of Katash and passed out (after getting a lovely drunk dial from Jo. Thanks bud!)

All in all...a very fun/productive past few days though. Gotta say though, I'm glad my birthday is over. It's impossible for me to forget what happened 5 years ago, and even though I had a great time and my friends are amazing, the pain just seeps back into my memory when I'm alone and I'd prefer not to deal with it. I suppose it's always going to be like this, and though that makes me mildly sad, it's a fact of life that I have accepted and decided not to dwell on.

So...enough for depression...on to randomness! I have finally gone to the dark side...and by dark side I mean the Apple side. No, I have not sold Rasputin and bought an iBook, however; I did sink into mass culture and purchase an iPod. It's a lovely 20GB white thing that holds all my music and makes me giggling happy. Yes, giggling happy. What inspired this purchase? Well...Dave sent me a rather large check for my birthday and I decied that since I've been wanting one, the money was unexpected and...well...you can't take it with you...might as well go ahead and do it. I won't lie...when I looked at the serial number to register my iPod and saw, displayed proudly "Designed in California, Assembled in China" a bit of my soul died. Whatever...I'm safe as long as I don't start popping my collar and carrying a latte with me everywhere I go.

I have named it Tufaha and whoever can figure out where that comes from (roommates excluded from this competition!) will get a dollar. A whole, shiny, germ infested dollar!!

Let the games begin.

4 shots of Absolut later...

Yes, I admit it, I am quite possibly the worst light:weight in the history of humanity. Last night I wasn't quite bad British accent drunk but I was drunk enough to...

...drunk dial Jo, Kate and Ian...
...drunk text message Shea and Nicholas...
...drunk IM Scott, Ian and Dillon...

...and as for actual things said and actions done, lets have some quotes, shall we?

Me: I think the vodka's in the television *said while staring at the fridge*
Kat: Uhhh...Adam and Shea don't have a television...
Me: Oh...

Me: Adam, I love you so much...
Adam: Sleep it off, Ash...sleep it off...

Carey: My last name means dark haired one in German..
Me: That's cool...but you have medium brown hair!!

I fell off of a stability ball...

Called up Jo, in the hall, and said (in an incredibly loud voice) "I'm soooo drunk!" For those slow students out there...the RA frequently walks through the halls...

However...as ridiculous as I may be...I'd like to clarify some things...It's 9:30...I am not hungover at all and while I may have been drunk off my ass last night (and I fully admit to that, now) I have one thing going over all of you! I am a far more economical drunk than the rest of you...the drunk for the poor college student...4 sfhots gets me drunk as all hell...mwahaha!

Saving money...one shot at a time...