I say don't you know...you say you don't know...

So...parents...yeah...they were here this weekend. It was a great deal of fun but somehow as we sat at dinner in Georgetown, we got to talking about my second grade year.

As you may or may not know, I consider 2nd grade to be my favourite year in all of my elementary years. I had the best teacher in the world (Mrs. Becker) who was the first person to really believe in me and whatever abilities I seemed to possess at the time (had her fooled, didn't I?) Oddly enough though...I think this was the year when my creativity really started flowing...for instance...upon being questioned on what the one thing in the world we wanted to have more than anything else...would anyone like to guess at what this was? I'll give you some hints...it was not the stereotypical "a TV in my room" or "a million dollars." So what was my response, you ask? Well...in short...in second grade, at approximately age 8, the one thing I genuinely wanted in the world..more than anything else...was, and I quote "to see the world though another person's eyes."

Exactly how fucked up was Ash as a young child? Very. Exactly how messed up is Ash as a young adult? Incredibly, considering the fact that my greatest ambition is still to see the world through the eyes of another. Actually though, my childhood ambition has grown and developed over the years and I think I understand the philosophical impact of my desire a bit more now...eleven years later.

However...this is not what I'm here to tell you about...I'm here to tell you about a story of woe, amusement and nothing but PAIN for all involved.

So..it was approximately December of 2nd grade and my clever teacher decided to have us write out what we wish we could give our parents for Christmas. I say clever because she must have realized the stress kids go through when they wonder what to get their parents when a) they have no money to spend and b) little to no drawing ability with which to make pretty pictures. Yay for Mrs. Becker. Interestingly enough...Mrs. Becker decided to invte the parents to a Christmas party in the classroom so the kids could present their presents with the papers we had written and coloured on...*insert weepy but happy "awwww" here*

There was actually a fairly good turnout, mostly mothers. Because let's face it, Ash grew up in upper middle class suburbia where wives drive SUVs and take care of the kids while the husband's drive BMWs and "take care" of their secretaries.

Now..if memory serves...both of my parents attended this event. Yay for being loved. So...after munching on way too much soda and cookies, we all took turns reading our little things and giving them to our parents. I was very excited about my paper, because I put a lot of thought into it and I figured out something that I thought my parents would both use and enjoy. I was very very pleased with myself. However, my last name being MacVeigh, I had to wait to go for quite a while. You can imagine that I was sitting on pins and needles the entire time. And while the other kids read off their presents (mostly consisting of blase and typical vacations or millions of dollars) I smirked knowingly, confident in my beliefs that mine was by far the most unique and useful present.

Would you all like to guess what my presents to my parents were? WOULD YOU?!?!?!?

MATCHING CALCULATORS. Yes, you read correctly. In 2nd grade, when given the opportunity to get my parents anything in the world, I chose to get them matching purple calculators.

WHAT THE HELL?!?! WHO DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! In my own defense...let me present my reasoning to you...my mom is an accountant. My dad is an engineer who likes to calculate his money. I THOUGHT THEY WOULD LIKE THE CALCULATORS. The best part is I actually think that I said "My daddy would like a calculator because he likes to count money" in front of the entire class.

The sad part was...I didn't realize just how messed up this was until the very end. My parents were gaping at me with awe, shock and amazement. And while the rest of the kids got very polite and midly enthusiastic applause...what did I get? UTTER SILENCE. It probably took about 30 seconds for people to realize that an 8 year old had just chosen to give her parents calculators for Christmas and finally clap sporadically at best.

Oddly enough...I stand by my freakishly...eh...presents. My parents still love bringing it up every chance they get...particularly my mother...I don't think she's ever gotten over the shock of it...

So...today's lesson kids? Don't have kids. They'll get up in front of the class, imply that you're a horrible person by giving you a calculator for Christmas and then say "DADDY LIKES TO COUNT MONEY!" in front of their entire class.

Also...I feel like this event explains a lot of my current idiosyncrasies.

Cheers to utter insanity.