A word to the wise...

...because I love all of you, dearly, I'd like to warn you of something horrifying and disgusting to the extreme...but, in typical Ash fashion...obviously I must tell you the story...

So...late-ish last night, I decided to take a shower after a long, exhausting day at work...only to realize, that I was completely out of shampoo and conditioner. Well yay. So...selling my soul to corporate America even more than I already have...I go to Wal-Mart (damn you "early to bed early to rise" people. DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL YOU BASTARDS) and purchase aforementioned sanitary products. So as I'm starting to pay, I'm chatting on the phone with someone and bump into the one and only George, which was awesome because I haven't seen him in forever. So we talked for about an hour and that was cool...then he to leave and I had to pay and head home...

At this point, it's still really hot and muggy outside and I'm waiting in line so I decide to buy a bottle of water. Glancing in to the convient mini refridgerator I see 3 choices for water. A part of my subconscious mind screams at the fact that there's three choices...for water...but I shove this voice to the far reaches of my thoughts and quickly decide on a bottle of Dasani flavored with lemon. I figure..hey...water with lemon is good...this should be good too...

If only I had know how utterly and horribly WRONG I was...I got back to my car and took my first sip of my tangy drink, completely ready to enjoy it, but when the contents touched my tongue I SPIT THEM BACK OUT. It was syrupy and sweet and in general, disgusting. It tasted a great deal like Propel Fitness Water. I don't know what planet Coca-Cola inhabits, but in the physical world that we occupy LEMONS ARE SOUR. Jackasses. Splenda sweetner has no business being in water flavored to taste like lemon. Did the Coca-Cola execs have the part of their tongues that recognize sour tastes cut out during Vietnam? Did New Coke rot their teeth and their ability to taste anything besides syrupy sweet soda? Did they do so much cocaine that they forgot where you're supposed to shoot up and stuck the hypodermic in their tongues?

I love how, of late, my answer to people's stupidity is always "they must have been on coke..."

At any rate...so...heed my advice, ye lucky children who have never tasted the nastiness that is Dasani Lemon Water...DON'T TRY IT. It's not worth the pain. Plus...I'm fairly certain that in about 10 years, it's going to be discovered that Splenda is actually more cancerous than saccarine. It'll be like cigarettes...you know how at first everyone thought they were great and OK, not bad for you at all? Well..that's how it's going to be with Splenda...only worse...because at least cigarettes supposedly made you look cool...splenda just makes you look like an uptight jackass who likes the colour yellow. Congratulations...people hate you and you're going to die....by Splenda...that's almost as bad as getting hit by a Ford Taurus.

Now some mini convos...for your amusement...I'm too lazy to edit the names for anti-stalking purposes...so I'm just going to plea to the decency of the masses...please don't stalk my friends, I'd like to keep them as friends and somehow I think if there's an assassination attempt indirectly linked to me, that might somehow sever the bonds we've created...it also might hurt my chances of getting in to law school...

egybert: schweeer
egybert: yozers ;-)
catori sedai: lol, oh dave, if only you made sense...
egybert: if only I made sense what?
catori sedai: yozers?
catori sedai: you used the words YOZERS
catori sedai: no makey the sense!!
egybert: from inspector gadget!
catori sedai: thats YOWZERS
egybert: duude
egybert: well sorry can't spell
egybert: take it the meaning intended
catori sedai: :-P i expect greater things from you
catori sedai: lol
egybert: like spelling?
catori sedai: exactly
catori sedai: !
egybert: well that was misplaced confidence on your part wasn't it