Despite the fact that I'm not a huge Eve 6 fan...I can safely say (and I think Kat will agree with me) that those are the most approrpiate lyrics I could use to describe last night...
Let me just start out by saying that ANY negative comments I have ever or will ever make about the MPD...I recind them RIGHT NOW.
That being said, let's continue on to my story...a tale of blind fear, shock and dismay...
Last night Kat and I returned home from UMD at CP around 2:30 in the morning exha usted and delerious...after scribling the following message on our redboard, I passed out in bed...
...Ash and Kat would like to express their undying love and devotion to their friends. That being said they will systematically and ritualistically slaughter anyone who wakes them on Saturday morning...
Yeah. We were tired. Luckily, it's parent's weekend and most of our friends who would wake us up were off with their families.
So, being orphans, Kat and I decide to go down to Friendship Heights. Because of the rain, we have to take the metro, when we normally would have walked. So, I stop to put money on my SmarTrip (something like a gift card...you keep putting money on it and you use it to get around on the WMATA system). I tried 3 times to do this...on both credit and debit...but the machine kept repeating "Authorization denied. Transaction Cancelled." Obviously, this upsets me a good bit...but I figure it was just a messed up machine. We move to another machine and Kat uses her debit card to put money on my card, money that I intend to pay back as soon as we get to an ATM in Friendship Heights. Now, I need to point out. The fact that Kat uses her debit card is INCREDIBLY important later in the story, so pay attention and take notes.
So...we get to Friendship and I check my ATM balance...it reads "-66.68." Obviously, I'm incredibly disturbed. I worked FOREVER this summer to avoid things like this happening, and I should have a couple hundred in my account at the very least. So, after schlepping around Borders and Cosis for a bit, we finally head back to school (walking this time, it more or less stopped raining). And I get my computer to pull up my account online and my cell phone to talk to PNC.
I think its necessary to clarify at this point. I worked a lot this summer and came to school with a good bit of money (some of which I blew on an iPod, something I still don't regret doing) but I still work down here. Every time I'd walk home from babysitting, I'd pass my bank on the way and would stop by the ATM to deposit what they gave me (usually cash) because, hey, I live in a city and guess what? PEOPLE LIKE TO STEAL YOUR STUFF. Also, there's been a series of on campus break ins, so I don't want to keep a ton of cash in my room.
So...continuing on..I'm on the phone with a guy from PNC who is incredibly nice, I tell him the problem (namely that I have no money when I should have a lot of it) and he does a bit of research. Well...you know how I mentioned that I was worried about people stealing my money? Turns out I should have worried about the bank stealing it...and by stealing it I mean LOSING IT. Somehow, the entire time I was depositing money into my account on a weekly basis, they were recorded as "reverse transaction deposits." I have no idea what this means, but its akin to more or less recording the transaction then the money magically disappearing after that. Yay. So...basically...they lost a couple hundred dollars and I've been living entirely off the money I earned from the summer.
Yeah.
I was hysterical and confused. At some point I was crying and asked "why would you do this to me?! I didn't kick puppies in a past life or anything!" He was nice, calming and reassured me that there really wasn't anything that he could do until Monday but file some reports. He assured me that my money would be returned to me...in about 10 business days. That's about 2 weeks for you slow students.
Terribly upset, I just wanted to cry in my bed. BUT I promised Adam that I'd go have dinner w/ his family and Caroline so I had to leave school yet again.
So, Kat and I are late to meet them and end up going with them to Dupont for the best ice cream in the world. Kat and I leave early because she has to go to work and I've got plans with another friend.
Here's where life starts to suck.
Upon getting back on to the Metro, Kat and I stop to put money on the SmarTrips. (She had previously agreed to lend me $5 for this). But for some reason...it wasn't working. The machine kept denying her card.
Now, she flat out knew she had a ton of money in her account, due to hysterically calling Wachovia earlier in the day to check her balance.
Well, it turns out that the WMATA has a very interesting rule that neither I, nor Kat nor ANY of our friends were aware of, despite living in DC and using the Metro on a daily basis for over a year...It turns out that you can only do one credit card transaction per day on the metro station machines.
Enter hysterical fear, stage left.
I think I need to qualify the hysterical fear here. Dupont Circle is 30 BLOCKS AWAY FROM AU. IT WAS DARK AND THERE WAS POURING RAIN. We literally had no way of getting home.
Now, some of you may be asking why Kat didn't just go to an ATM and withdraw money, right? Well...her account is brand new and she DOESN'T HAVE HER PIN NUMBER YET. Incidently, while reaffirming this knowledge at Dupont's CVS, I insulted a homeless war veteran. When he asked me for change, I said (without thinking, 'cus let's face it, I never do that) "Sorry sir, I'm in the same situation." Excuse me, I'll just go use my credit card to purchase my ticket to hell on Amtrak...oh wait, can't do that! NO MONEY!
So...despite being 2 college students from relatively well off families at a top institution...we had no way of getting the 2 dollars we needed to get home.
At this point, we start walking down Mass Ave, attempting to find a bus to take us back to AU. Apparently, Dupont Circle is too good for buses as there were no stops whatsoever. Dismayed and scared, we headed back to the Metro stop...
TO BEG FOR CHANGE...
Yeah, it was bad. I actually have to give Kat credit here, because of the two of us, she was the only one who could actually do it. I just couldn't make myself do that. At one point I actually said "Kat, I would rather DIE TRYING TO WALK THE 30 BLOCKS BACK TO SCHOOL THEN BEG FOR CHANGE!" Damn pride, damnit straight to hell.
So, Kat finally gives up her crusade on the kindness of strangers (she actually got 55 cents) and we start walking down Mass again, fully prepared to die somewhere along the way. Just before we get out of Dupont, we spot 2 cop cars, parked along side each other. While Kat talks on the phone to a hysterical friend, I walk over to them. The conversation went something like this..
MPD 1: What are you looking for, sweetie?
Ash: *grinds teeth* I'm actually not looking for anything. I'm from here, I just need your advice.
MPD 2: What's up, sweetie?
Ash: *grinds teeth and proceeds to explain situation, stressing that it is neither her nor Kat's fault*
MPD 2: HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?
Ash: God hates me.
MPD 2: How old are you, sweetie?
Ash: 20, sir.
MPD 2: And what's your name?
Ash: Ashley
MPD 2: And where did you say you lived?
Ash: AU at 4400 Mass Ave
MPD 2: How old is your friend, sweetie?
Ash: She's 19.
MPD 1/2 Converse
MPD 2: It's on my beat, I can give you guys a ride home if you'd like, sweetie.
Ash: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!
So...I'm convinced that he was questioning me to make sure I was neither drunk nor high and while constantly calling me "sweetie" annoyed me, I was not about to comment on it to the man who literally became MY SAVIOR last night.
Now...if I was a normal person...or if normal things happened to me I either a) would not be telling this story or b) would end it here...but this is me, and of course, there has to be more to tell.
So, a relieved Kat and I hop into the back of the MPD cruiser, still profusely thanking MPD 2. When he turned on his lights to cut through traffic and get onto the road he wanted, I should have known we were in for something interesting...
So..turns out...MPD 2 DRIVES LIKE KAT! Only he's allowed to, because he's a cop. He was accelerating to 60+ on WET DC roads like no one's business. I glanced over at Kat and she had this evil gleam in her eye that looked like she had found her soul mate...if he was taller.
So...yeah...MPD 2 is speeding down Mass Ave when a taxi cuts him off. I believe his words were something like "OH FUCK NO YOU DID NOT DO THAT TO ME!" He then proceeded to pull over the taxi and yell at the guy. Here's to beautiful, sweet revenge for anyone who's ever been cut off or ignored by DC taxis. Rock on MPD 2. You made my night.
Ultimately, my life is cool.
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