Le Dates:

Jan 3: Wedding Crashers out on DVD
Jan 15: Back in DC
Jan 17: 2 for the Money out on DVD
Feb 14: New Millington book is out (I forget what it's called)

Movies I Want to See:
-Chronicles of Narnia
-Memoirs of Geisha
-Brokeback Mountain
-The Producers

Books to Read:
-Leopold's Ghost
-Guns Germs and Steel

TV on DVD to Buy:
-Golden Girls (every season available)
-Will and Grace (every season available except for the first)
-Simpsons (every season available)
-Dead Like Me
-Family Guy (every season available)

'Cus suicide is painless...it brings on many changes...and I can take or leave it if I please...

Cost of Books for Fall 2005: Appx. 350.00
Cash paid at Buyback: 102.25
Being rid of Sam Walker FOREVER: PRICELESS

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Sam Walker (aka Devil's Spawn) is out of my life forever. My joy and relief knows no end.

Oh, wait. Yes it does. I'm too tired to be really excited about anything.

Last night I had the horrifying realization that I write exactly like Gregory Stanton. I highly doubt any of you have read anything of his (unless you're Adam or Kat and I recited some of his essays to you) but take me at my word...this is bad. Very very bad.

I also feel like I sold my soul and my credibility on my Anthropology final. However; I don't care. I nailed it and Schaftt upped my grade on my Burundi paper from an A- to an A.

My Russia and the US final was arbitrary as HELL. There were IKON IDENTIFCATIONS ON IT. We haven't studied ikons at all! They were so poorly photocopied that you couldn't tell what anything on them was except for the occasional halo! Israeli also felt it approrpriate to give me a B- on my movie critique. Citing nothing but grammatical errors. Excuse me while I report you to the NSA as a terrorist/communist hybrid.

Umm...going to see Les Miserables tonight...followed by packing...followed by passing the fuck out. I have to be up tomorrow at 7 to babysit at 8:30. I'll probably be home around 8 or so tomorrow night.

If you define "snow" as a half an inch of semi-solid, kind of white substance falling peacefully from the sky, lacking true mayhem, then it "snowed" here yesterday. It would have been fine...I would have taken up my usual position inside Starbucks or Angelico's or something and laughed as the Virginians and DCers (Marylanders, as much as I hate to admit this, can handle their snow) frantically tried and failed to drive up the tiny incline that is Wisconsin Ave near Tenley at approximately 2 mph. But alas, this was not for me. I had to babysit. And everyone knows that babysitting=driving for Ash. In all honesty, I wasn't particularly nervous about it. Walking to Le Cathedral, the sidewalks were slippery ('cus apparently most major store owners haven't yet figured out exactly why WMATA throws salt on the roads every time it gets like this) but the roads were fine. Very wet but fine since the majority of the slush was collecting on the sidewalks.

Well...apparently I gave these people too much credit...the RAIN that was on the road...RAIN, mind you, sent them into such a state of panic that there were accidents everywhere and most people more or less lost the essential, humanizing characteristics that we've all learned to hold so dear...the ability to think above the level of a child in kindergarten. Cathedral Ave was a mess and I thought people had seen the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on New Mexico. Later in the evening, taking Bridget and Sarah to scuba, I think only one word can describe Wisconsin. A tire...hit Mary...IN THE FACE...

OK, so that's actually several words grouped together to form something that might be considered a sentence. Whatever. Stop judging me.

So...I think the whole of the experience yesterday can be summed up in a dialogue between Sarah (the second oldest daughter)...

Sarah: *bouncing up and down* I don't think we'll have school tomorrow! YIPPEE!!
Ash: *looks at Sarah very strangely, questioning her behaviour* Why not?
Sarah: *continues to bounce* There's snow on the ground!
Ash: Ummm...like a half an inch maybe...when I was in school, it took 6" to get us a day off..
Sarah: 6"?!?!?!? That's like a WEEK off for us. *continues to bounce*
Ash: *noticing the bouncing* Uh...Sarah...what's wrong? Why are you bouncing around?
Sarah: I had COFFEE this morning.
Ash: *fear* When?
Sarah: Around 3am...
Ash: And you're still feeling the effects?
Sarah: YEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ash: *ponders what it was like to be that effected by caffeine* DRINK SOME WATER! A LOT OF IT!
Sarah: *skips away*
Ash: Um...kay then...

I think I'm going to have to forsake anything fun tonight so I can get some work done...this weekend, much like this week, is going be kind of a mess...

State of the Ash...

So...I've figured out why I've been such a callous bitch lately. Yay for that. Also, yay for the ending of that.

Everyone out there...keep my dad and his mother in your thoughts, prayers, vibes, whatever it is that you do...A few days before Thanksgiving she had a stroke that's more or less turned her into a vegetable...Dad doesn't want her to live like that, but he also doesn't want to give up hope.

Slowly trudging away towards finals and break. Going to see Les Mis the night before I go home.

Christmas shopping makes me happy.

I have no desire to work over break. However, by New Years I'm going to be stark, raving mad (at least partially from a certain New Years party that I'll be attending this year...Can you say strawberry daquiris?) so I probably will

I'm considering history as a second major/minor again...Nothing else interests me as much and one more class in Russian history and I'll have a concentration finished up.

I want 2 for the Money to come out on DVD.

Kate, also known as TSB or Baba Nagusch, is not coming back to PA for Christmas. However, she will be visiting DC in late January, early February so y'all will get the glorious opportunity to meet her shortly the hell of next semester begins.

I have a perverse desire to dye my hair red. I'm not going to. I just sort of want to in a sick and twisted way.

I really hate Fall Out Boy. If I hear Sugar, We're Going Down on the radio when I'm driving the kids around I'm going to hunt down Fall Out Boy and make sure they go down...on a spiked wheel...

Ash's Christmas List:
-new digital camera (not gonna happen but whatever...)
-gift certificates for Express, Victoria Secret, Gap, the Limited
-HOUSE on dvd
-2 For the Money

Feels damned good to be back...especially since my recent soiree in politics didn't really work...

...So, after doing some deep contemplation, I decided that taking 2 400 level classes would be suicide...I spent the majority of this morning frantically trying to fix my schedule and I think I've got it more or less complete...

FYI: This is more for my benefit than yours...

MONDAY
12:45-2: Moral Philosophy (Reiman...hereafter known as le Communist)
2:10-3:25: Juvenile Delinquence: Causes, Prevention and Treatment (Addington, 'cus clearly Rach and I can't go a semester without taking a class together)
3:35-4:50: Sex Rights and Sex Wrongs (Carnes, no this is NOT a porn class)

TUESDAY
8:10-10:40(pm): Comparative Systems of Law and Justice (Butterton)

WEDNESDAY
11:20-2: Cities and Crime (Kane, can you say sexy?)

THURSDAY
12:45-2: Moral Philosophy (le Communist)
2:10-3:25: Juvenile Delinquence: Causes, Prevention and Treatment (Addington)
3:35-4:50: Sex Rights and Sex Wrongs (I repeat...NOT a porn class)

FRIDAY
FREEDOM

Once again..if you'll notice...never have to be awake before 11...and usually not before 12...Friday's completely free, Tuesdays mostly free.

And just for information sake...I'm in 3 200s, 1 300 and a 400.

There are many things I would like to say to you but I don't know how...

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the Royal Flag of Scotland, often used as the second flag. Kinda cool, non? What's better? My family's crest (I have no pictures of it, sorry) shows the same rampant lion (a yellow lion on a field of blue with 3 yellow roses and a crescent moon). Where's that come from, you ask? Descended from Mary, Queen of the Scots.

On my mom's side I come from French nobility, eastern European peasants and a Civil War general (from the South, of course).

That's right, my ancestry owns yours. Why? 'Cus my relatives had their heads chopped off and was at least partially at fault for the loss of the Civil War. Damn, I'm awesome.

School's winding down nicely, I suppose. I have approximately 1.5 pages to sum up 3 separate points in the Burundian genocide (for Anthropology, of course) and that's not going to be pretty but I can do it. I think. Maybe...

My Policing in America paper turned out to be the exact manifestations of my worst fears. The case study is a completely normal town in Southern California (proportionate racial divsions between Caucasians, African Americans and Hispanics), 2.o officers/1000 citizens. 15 pages on reforms to make to improve the division. This is going to be hell.

Got out of writing my History/Philosophy of Criminology paper, so this week isn't going to be as ghastly as I thought.

In conclusion...bitch, you don't know.

It makes me feel...yeah...yeah...

I can see Kat's eyes bug out with joy at the title...but the rationale behind this will become apparent in due course...

So this weekend was...interesting...

On Friday night I saw a 12:15am showing of RENT with Rachel. Amazing movie, go see it. Right now.

As I was exiting the theatre, Cingular reception picked up again and I got a pleading text from Shea asking for help with his paper on Russia's economy. So I got back around 3 and went down to help him.

At appx. 4:30 we both realized that Adam had not returned yet from my room. Simultaenously Shea and I jumped to the same, completely inaccurate yet horribly amusing conclusion. "If he's not back here by 6, I'm sleeping down here.."

Adam eventually stumbled back in around, just as Shea and I were finishing up and around 5:15 I stumbled back to my room, not feeling tired yet knowing I was utterly exhausted.

After spilling stuff, tripping over books and clothes and crashing into my bed at least once or twice, I finally managed to pry my contacts out of my dried eyes, change clothes and curl up into bed.

As I lay my head down, I realized something was amiss. I had only 1 pillow, when I usually sleep with 4. Now, I would have turned on my light to locate my pillows, but then Kat would have slaughtered me (at this point she was already seething with rage, I'm sure). I also could have crawled out of bed again and searching blindly for the pillows but again, I didn't feel like tempting the fates that night. So I said a very silent "fuck it" and attempted to sleep without my entourage.

Didn't really work out so well. I didn't fall asleep until after Kat left for work (6:30). Normally this would have had me crying bitter tears of agony and despair. But the entire time I kept thinking "no worries, I can sleep as late as I need to tomorrow."

...

Yeah...that would have been AWESOME had it actually worked out like that. Unfortunately, at appx. 10am Taryn (my neighbor) decided to blast Christmas music, jarring me from my peaceful slumber. What Christmas music was it, you ask? Well...I'll give you a hint...it involves small, furry animals with slightly bucked teeth.

Yep. That's right. The Chipmunks Christmas Album woke me up after only 3 hours of sleep.

*enter rage and masochism, stage left*

Anyone who knows me knows that I can't sleep through loud noises and I can't fall back asleep once I've been woken up. So I cried into my pillow for a while befor finally resigning myself to accept fate's cruel hand and got out of bed. Went to the Eagle's Nest w/ a mildly hung over Adam to get a bagel and when Kat got back we schlepped to Friendship. And by schlepped clearly what I mean is "walked about 30 minutes longer then we had to due to something that was "positively a shortcut"and nearly killed each other along the way"

Yeah

Got back from Friendship and Kat, being the great friend that she is, passed out for a nap. I, being unable to nap, sat miserably around the room before crawling into bed with my computer, hoping to sleep.

And sleep I did. On my computer. I actually passed out on my computer. When I woke up and saw my screensaver, I jumped and screamed a bit before realizing that I was late for work. (I vaguely recall waking up about 10 minutes prior to this and thinking "Why am I up soon quickly? It only takes 5 minutes to walk to the Cathedral..."). Har har har.

So I got to work (which was hell...Sarah had a few of her friends over and they tried to make my life miserable...and succeeded. It was only made better by John and Thomas who were actually a lot of fun.

Now Maura and Dan were supposed to be back by 11...12 at the absolute latest. They got home at 1. Ashley was not happy. Ashley was so bored that Ashley did their dishes for them and Ashley was exhausted. They finally got back...had a chat with Maura about Russia and got home at around 1:30 (made over $100. Mwahaha). Adam and Kat were here, so I had a screwdriver and hung out w/ them for a while. Always glorious. And eventually we wandered downstairs to listen to Adam's Christmas Compliation which includes such classics as "I'm Going to Hang Myself on the Tree" and "Be Nice to Grandpa...He's Dying." Oh the joy. Around 2:45 I realized that I was about 5 minutes from passing out in Shea's bed so Kat and I stumbled back to the empire and rigorously turned off computers, alarm clocks and cell phones and shut blinds to make sure that NO ONE COULD WAKE US UP IN THE MORNING (I slept til 12. It was glorious). After chatting for a while, Kat contemplated doing some macro reading. I quickly assured her that doing so would end in nothing but death and there was sleep. Ever so much sleep.

Now feeling remarkably better, so I'm going to run to Tenley and do a random assortment of other stuff before I come back to work for FOREVER ON A PAPER.

This week's going to be hell. Wish me luck.

Only on account of villainy...

So...the rest of this semester is shaping up to be absolutely beautiful...

Let's go in chronological order, shall we?

December 6: Anthropology of Genocide paper/presentation (worth 40% of my grade)
December 9: History and Philosophy of Criminology paper (worth 33% of my grade)
December 12: Russia and the US paper on a Russian social commentary video (Not worth a significant portion of the grade, but Israeli is crazy and arbitrary as all hell)
December 16: Anthropology of Genocide final (gleh, Schaftt. Just gleh).
December 19: Intro to Sys of Justice final (No idea what to expect and we've covered a LOT of material)
December 19: Russia and the US final (Again, Israeli is crazy and arbitrary)
December 20: History and Philosophy of Criminology final (Savage's tests always require many hours of study)
December 20: Policing in America final essay due (this is going to take at least 10 to 12 hours to do properly).

And because AU's library is mildly horrendous, I get to spend a wonderful amount of time at GW for the History and Philosophy paper. Yay.

The possibility of Adam Sandler (small and Jewish) as one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL amuses me endlessly. Also, Burt Reynolds looks ridiculously like my uncle Davis and I had a dream where I married Billy Bob Thorton.

Yeah...I'm watching the Longest Yard and, much as I despise myself for it, am liking it a lot. Maybe enough to buy it, only time will tell on that particular matter. And by time, clearly what I mean is bank account.

Thanksgiving has been incredibly restful and relaxing and my nerves are slowly returning to me, but then again I also haven't re-started the paper for Bennett's class yet. I honestly don't know if it's in me to write this thing. At any rate, once I'm back in DC, I'm going to see a psychologist specializing in traumatic experiences I'll be well on my way to recovery. Next few weeks are going to be hell though. History/Philosophy of Criminology and Anthropology papers are due on the same day. My final for Morabito is probably going to take hours to do properly.

On a brighter note, Harry Potter was excellent. I highly recommend it.

Just to clarify the cryptic and depressing away messages..

"Man, 23, Found Fatally Shot in Head in NW. A 23-year-old man was found shot to death about 9:30p.m. Saturday night in the 5800 block of 7th Avenue NW [on the corner of 7th and Nicholson, to be precise]. Antoine Womack, of the 6000 block of North Dakota Ave NE, died from an apparent gunshot to the head, authorities said. Police urged anyone with information to call the detectives at..."

That's a blurb from today's (Monday) edition of the Washington Post. It's significance? I was on my police ride along Saturday night. That happened in my district. Are you catching on yet? I was there. I was on the scene of that homicide. I saw his body.

Trauma doesn't even begin to describe how I feel, and I'm not going to be OK with this for a long time. Dr. Bennett says he still has flashbacks from the homicides he worked as a cop. I'm having nightmares, and I can't get the images out of my head. But I have appointments with the counseling center, and I'm going to try to talk to Captain Williams. In short, I'm starting the road to recovery, but it's not going to be pretty.

Most people go their entire lives without seeing death, let alone such a violent death as this one. Hell, most cops never work a homicide case in their entire careers. I'm 20 and this is my life. Someday I'll look back on this day and say "that was the start of the next part of my life, I'm glad I saw that, for it's helped make me who I am today." But you know what? Today's not that day. Tomorrow's probably not going to be that day either, and if I had the chance to take back Saturday night, with no memories, I'd take it in a heartbeat.

Purifying the liquids...

So...after having to bail on Kat for a late movie in Georgetown (I have to be up really early tomorrow), I was pretty sad and looking forward to a really boring evening full of NOTHING. But Jeff came over to hang out for a while...and that was cool...then his friend Silby joined and we ended up playing pool and watching Dr. Strangelove. Damn good movie, damn good stories.

At any rate...yeah...I'm fairly certain Steve the Pirate 3 is officially dead now. It's saying I have like 8 bars of service, but the "Cingular" sign isn't showing in the screen and when people try to call me they get "nothing." New phone is at home waiting for me. I'm NEVER buying an LG again.

OK, it appears as though I've offended some people with my last entry. I'd like to go ahead and re-state that what I said was NOT said with malicious intent and I'm truly sorry if it was taken that way. Guys from home, y'all mean a lot to me, you always have and you always will. You're good people, and I cherish the memories we have together. Y'all mean a lot to me and, again, I'm truly sorry.

Blues on the Bayou

Overall, Philly was amazing. It was good to see Jo, meet some of her friends, and get away from the pressure of class and general stress that comes along with living in such a politically charged city. However, I am glad to be back. On the ride home, I slept for a while, and when I woke up the first thing I saw was the Capitol, lit up and glorious, and it brought a huge smile to my face.

On a quick note before I get down to the point behind this entry...I'm just going to say, quite simply, my phone should NEVER be with me when I drink. Ever again.

Anyways, so I had some time to think on the way home and I started pondering friendships, relationships and the like. For the most part, my high school ties have more or less dissipated in the year and change I've been away from York. I'll chat with a few people occasionally, see some over breaks, but that bond is gone. For a long time I really struggled over this, constantly questioning why I didn't understand the people who had once mattered to me so much, why I no longer craved their company. I've ultimately come to the conclusion that for the most part, my friendships in high school were situational. We were all in a similar place, had some things in common and formed friendships over that. The reason for this? I was more or less closed off from everyone in York. I don't know why, maybe it was fear of being judged and deemed not worthy enough, but whatever it was, I let very few (maybe 2 or 3 all together) know who I was truly was and what I was truly like.

I take complete responsibility for this. Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back, I was foolish and overly self conscious. But I also can't change the past and it is the way it is. Towards the end (I'd say sophomore year and after) I opened up a lot more to a select few people. Not so coincidently, those are the people I'm still close with now. Those people know me (and I know them) incredibly well and I can honestly just list off their characteristics that I like, cherish and admire. Interestingly enough, that's something I can do for every person at college that I consider a close friend, and I think they can do the same for me. Why? Because I opened myself up, I let people get to know the real me and in the process I was able to get to know the real personalities of other people.

So what does this all mean? It means that I'm growing up. Slowly I'm developing more self confidence (thanks in large part to my roommate tactifully informing me of my utter dependence on others, rather then myself). The fact that this process started in high school with a few people, and continues with them, makes me really proud. I'm glad that I recognized (at least subconsciously) what I was doing and did something to change it. Do I wish I could have this with everyone? Hell yeah, but like I said, hindsight is 20/20.

I was discussing this with my mom while waiting for the bus. And she remarked that she found it odd that the 2 people from York that I'm still close to were the ones she thought would be the first to go, because I'd known them the least amount of time. I guess, at the end of it all, it came down to quality vs quantity. A lot of time is not necessarily quality time. Again, I take complete responsbility for this. It's my fault that my friendships were so shallow, because of my own insecurities.

I think the reason I no longer crave those shallow relationships is because I know so much more of deeper relationships, of other people truly knowing who I am and what I'm all about and vice versa, and how much more fulfilling they are.

So...to all from high school and York in general...cheers to every last one of you. You've all help shape who I am today, and I thank you for that. This is in no way, shape or form good bye. It's just me entering into a different realization, a different era of my evolution as a person.

To the two Yorkers (and you know who you are) who knew me way back then, and accepted me as I was, and continue to put up with me...Words really can't describe you, so I'm not even going to try. But let's just say I'm looking forward to a lot of late night conversations over nothing and making a lot of memories.

To newest additions to my life...the college and DC people...Well...thank god you guys know me now as opposed to knowing me in high school. I don't think you would have put up with my closed, confused self for even one minute. I have issues, I'm working on them. But like I said, I can list off the reasons why I love you guys and I'd be more then happy to list it off to you. I'm seeing a lot of great things in all of your futures, and I'm just honestly glad that I've gotten the opportunity to befriend all of you. And I'm amazed that you, in turn, call me a friend as well. If I had a glass, I'd raise it for you, for your pasts, presents and futures, for the memories we have made and will make.

Cheers, mates. My hat (fedora) goes off to all of you for where you're going, and how you've changed my life.

Crack Cocaine? Powder Cocaine? WHAT?!

Things that will cause me to buy an AK 47 and use it on my own foot if I'm forced to read one more page about OR hear mentioned aloud (say, in a lecture):

10. The Eras of Policing...
9. Police and citizens as co producers of safety
8. Community Oriented Policing
7. Robert Peel or Herman Goldstein
6. The UCR or NCVS
5. Broken Windows
4. Crime correlates
3. Rehabilitation vs. Retribution
2. Civilianization

and finally...the piece de resistance...Nom Une...

The Crack Cocaine Epidemic

Nothing but love for justice...but I won't lie...I'm ready for my specialized classes (Organized Crime, Victimology, etc)

Just a brief update...

...to let you know...

At the GWU tournament, I got #1 speaker in a round, and vastly improved my speaker points. Excuse me while I dance on the graves of all who ever doubted me!

They don't really make a "Sorry-Your-Dodgeball-Coach-Just-Got-Crushed-By-Two-Tons-of-Irony" Hallmark card, do they?

This is the Ampitheatre, last winter. What does the picture mean? Does it mean that somehow, I've decided winter isn't so bad after all? No, not really. It just means that I'm really disturbed/annoyed by the fact that it's 70 degrees out...in November...and my room is a damn sauna.

Yeah...it really is way too warm. This weather wouldn't be bothering me at all...except for the fact that they switched the AC to heat about 2 weeks ago and, as my room has direct sunlight for a good portion of the day, it is absurdly hot in here.

So, this weekend has turned out to be significantly less crazy then it was supposed to be. I don't know if this is good or bad, so I'm simply going to say that it is...yeah. Friday was the first 3 rounds of the GW tournament...overall, I'm really happy with how well my speaking is coming along, but I have to say, best line of all night "Rogue Agents? Yeah...this isn't the movies...James Bond is cool and everything but...COME ON!"

At any rate...I was fully ready to head back to GW today to finish our last 2 rounds before darting up to Takoma for my JLS field experience. However, Kat woke up this morning unable to talk so debating was kind of out of the question. I could have ironmanned it, but there was no shot of breaking and even if I managed to, I would have been slaughtered first round. So, GW fell through and I got to sleep till 11. Cool. Had brunch w/ Adam before heading up to Takoma.

Now, I feel it very necessary to clarify here. Takoma is almost in Maryland, it's about a 45 minute metro ride. We were given instructs to call the HQ to ensure that they had enough officers to let us ride with them. I would like to point out that I did call, but was told that they wouldn't know until just before 3 o'clock.

So...headed all the way up to Takoma, only to call and be told that...hey...guess what! Can't go today, too many people called in sick.

Gleh. Whatever, kinda sucks, but thus goes life. Head back home to chill, grab dinner, etc.

As I'm getting on the shuttle to head back to campus from the metro, I somehow TRIP and fall. Do I fall into the aisle? No, I wish. I fell smack into the bus driver. So...in addition to looking like I was giving the bus driver a blow job, I bruised my shoulder pretty badly. I was wearing a black cami and a black button down earlier, and it actually hurt just to have the strap of my tank and the shirt of my sleeve brushing up against it. I have decided blame my flip flops for this unfortunate incident.

In short, I heart ice packs.

Philly next weekend.

Donde esta la biblioteca?

So, after a bit of aggravation and a lot of note cards, I've pieced together a schedule for next semester.

Time: Class (Professor)

MONDAY
12:45-2: Moral Philosophy (Reiman)
3:35-4:50: Theatre: Principles, Plays and Performance (who the fuck cares?)
5:30-8: Organized Crime (Peterson)

TUESDAY
FREE

WEDNESDAY
11:20-2: Cities and Crime (Kane)
5:30-8: Critical Social Thought (Lengermann)

THURSDAY
12:45-2: Moral Philosophy (Reiman)
3:35-4:50: Theatre: Principles, Plays and Performance (again, who the fuck cares?)

FRIDAY
FREE

So...3 block classes, 2 normal classes...
...2 JLS (major) classes...
...3 Gen Ed classes...

For the AUers out there...let's just go ahead and put this out there...my professors for next semester? KICK ASS. As everyone in the JLS dept knows, Kane is amazing. Basically, if I wanted to, I could get away with murder. I know how to pull it off, and how to hide it. Plus that "faith in the justice system" stuff that they shove down your throats in Civics classes? LIES! All of it. The system sucks and while I do intend to use my ability to fight the suckiness, I can maniulate it to my own ends as well. Do you know what Kane's going to teach me? He's going to teach me how to do pot in the middle of Federal Triangle..and get away with it! He's going to teach me how to walk down Conneticut Ave with an AK 47..and get off on misdemeanor charges! EVER SO MUCH GLORY!

And Reiman...words really can't describe Reiman...oh wait! YES THEY CAN! COMMUNIST!!

Also..your eyes did not deceive you. I have 2 free days (one being Friday). Never do I have to be awake before 11, and most of my classes are after 12. I only have 1 day where I have 3 classes, all the rest are 2. Oh it's going to be beautiful. Ever so beautiful.

*cackles and runs off into the night*

The Whole Nine Yards...

...STORY TIME!!!...

Rewind to last night, at 5:30. I schlepp to Ward for my Policing in America block lecture. Yadda yadda yadda. I take the quiz and sit there, happily text messaging away while we wait for the guest lecture (Brett Parson of the MPD) to get there.

Background: Brett is the head of MPD's special Gay/Lesbian task force. They deal with everything from community relations to homicides, and he's actually a pretty cool guy. Very typical cop. Loud, "fuck" is every other word out of his mouth, and incredibly amusing.

So, Brett's pretty cool and he tells some stories to illustrate the points about his job that he's trying to make. Suddenly he stops and looks intently around the room, before focusing on me. The following conversation ensues...

Brett: Hi Ashley
Ashley: Hi Brett.
Brett: How are you?
Ashley: Fine thanks, yourself?
Brett: Pretty damn good. Now, you've got...what do you call it...dirty blonde hair? It's dirty? Yeah..not saying that you're dirty, maybe you are, I don't know..but your hair...dirty blonde, right?
Ashley: Right
Brett: Kinda thick and wavy?
Ashley: I suppose so.
Brett: Wearing a a skirt? Pretty short?
Ashley: Uhh...yeah..*increasingly uncomfortable*
Brett: Make up? Little bit?
Ashley: Masscara *waves in the general facial area*
Brett: Boobs? Those yours, right? I mean, I assume they are, but you could have had a boob job or something, right?
Ashley: *blinks in shock, glances at Professor Morabito, who looks horrified. Coughs* Yeah...they're...uh...mine
Brett: OK people, so take a good look at Ashley here. Now imagine that you're a cop. It's 2 in the morning and you're patrolling New York Ave when suddenly a car shoots by like a bat out of hell. You turn on the lights...and you're getting excited...because you know, lights are awesome. And you pull the car over. Inside sits someone who looks a lot like Ashley...very clearly female...and you ask for license, registration and proof of insurance. You look down at the license, shine the light on it, and see, very clearly under sex a giant "M." Well...what exactly do you do here? There's what appears to be a woman in the car...but on the license...there's a MAN?! WHAT THE HELL?!?! Well...I can tell you what to do...but I'd rather tell you what NOT to do...and do you know what that is? You do NOT yank the driver out of the car, at GUN POINT, and scream "DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR NOT!?" at them. That results in a 5 million dollar harassment suit against the District of Columbia.

So...yeah...apparently there's a transvestite running around New York Ave that looks a hell of a lot like me.

Adam thinks that I pray to the gods of fate and ask for this weird crap to happen to me. I think they just happen to hate me.

Did you ever feel the pain? In the morning rain...as it soaks in to the bone?

I really feel bad for Lisa and Taryn (my neighbors). I listen to Oasis almost constantly when Kat's not here and, hey, the walls are paper thin. Lisa's a science major of some sort (bio or biochemistry, I'm not sure) and I don't ever want to be the object of her wrath. She's very nice, but I can definitely see her going crazy, charging me down with some hand made Anthrax screaming "LIVE FOREVER?!?!? NO! Don't think so! You're going to die, NOW, and then the fire in your heart really will be out!!!"

Yeah.

So, Happy November all! I hope you all went trick or treating, or at the very least drank yourself into an oblivion. I did both this year, good times. I'll post pics sometime this week. But I do have enough candy to get me through finals now. Yay for that.

That aside, I think I've come up with an idea for a combined justice and anthropology thesis, should I decide to do a second major in Anthropology. After my test today, we were watching original footage videos from the liberation of the concentration camps. Words can't describe these images, so I'm not even going to try. But afterwards, we were discussing civic denial and I got to thinking about Inspector Kline's lecture. It was supposed to be on Broken Windows Theory but he ended up talking more about Stockholm Syndrome, mostly because it involves the most glamorous aspects of policing, as opposed to the nitty gritty. This led my thoughts off into "Hmm...I wonder if there were any instances of Stockholm Syndrome in the survivors of the Holocaust...I bet there were in the indirect authority structures (block leaders, runners, snitches, etc)..." A quick conversation with Dr. Schafft confirmed my theory, citing a reference where at least 2 of the block leaders indicated signs of Stockholm Syndrome (though I'm not sure it was officially titled that at the time...hell, I'm not even sure if it was officially identified as such during the liberation). So, I'm thinking that I'd really like to do a massive, full scale investigation into Stockholm as a possible means for minor civic denial, and also just an investigation of those who exhibited the signs of it.

Thoughts?

Laid out beneath the stars...strung out and feeling great...

Greg "Garthur" Arthur of University of Maryland at College Park aka The Fairy. Yes, this man did change my life. I'm torn between wanting to marry him and wanting to mock him incessantly. I'm leaning towards the former, partially because I'm fairly certain he'd kick my ass in a battle of wits. Read on to learn more about The Fairy and his actions.

Well, after a weekend of wicked insanity, I'm ready to chill, have lunch with my friends and go shopping.

As anyone who talked to me knows, this weekend was AU Debate Society's tournament. Good turnout (30+ teams), ran, for the most part, on time, and I think everyone who debated had a pretty good time. So, the end game: AU's got another legitimate tournament under it's belt.

The price for all of this? The insanity and ridiculousness of putting together housing for people staying the night. It was insane mostly because people kept bailing on me at the last minute. But in the end, we only had to house about 30 people, and I had it for 45. Thanks to everyone who offered up their floors, and especially to those who actually did have people crashing in your rooms. See? They did NOT steal your stuff.

Aside from that, I had to judge too. I did all the normal rounds, as well as the novice semis, finals and varsity finals. 8 rounds all together. I was a wreck by the 7th, but the 8th (varsity finals) returned my soul to me. Let's just put it this way...there's nothing quite like watching an incredibly attractive man stand up (Garthur/The Fairy) and argue (very passionately I might add) that Billy Goat Gruff was unjustified in his actions against the troll because the troll OWNED that bridge. Other arguments were: Rousseau's social contract, the Preservation of Wildlife (or possibly envoking the ire of the troll nation), and let's not forget THE DEPRIVATION OF THE NATURAL DIVERSITY OF THE ECOSYSTEM.

Anyways...that aside...UMD parties and parties at the Albemarle tend to equal a lot of fun and mild hangovers.

So...in conclusion...Would you punch Rosa Parks in the face?

I said all the things that you said to say...did I say enough?

Yeah...I don't know either...but that's Adam and that's why he's cool.
The infamous Kat and Rick. Rick is one of the people who has been forced to live with us.
Is it wrong that the only thing I can think of when I see this picture is "His left pant leg is rolled up...is he a Blood or a Crip?!?!?!" FYI: That's Shea trying to be a dirty Mexican. Shea is quite possibly the most Irish person on the planet, in case you couldn't guess from his name. Also...it just dawned on me...that picture was taken in MY room. The serpentine of pictures in the background gives it away.
And here we have a picture from When Kat and Ash go the Dupont. Notice the computer screen. We were clearly in the back of an MPD cruiser.


FYI2: Photo credits go entirely to Kat. I stole these off her blog

( http://thirteenmirrors.blogspot.com ). I need my damn camera back. Now. Actually, no, I need to buy a new one. Geh.

A Short List of People Forced to View the Horror that is Ash and Kat...(aka people who've slept on our floor for):

Carey

Rick

Justin

Crystal

Eventually, they're just going to form a support group.

Here's to the nights we felt alive, Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry, Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come to soon..

Despite the fact that I'm not a huge Eve 6 fan...I can safely say (and I think Kat will agree with me) that those are the most approrpiate lyrics I could use to describe last night...

Let me just start out by saying that ANY negative comments I have ever or will ever make about the MPD...I recind them RIGHT NOW.

That being said, let's continue on to my story...a tale of blind fear, shock and dismay...

Last night Kat and I returned home from UMD at CP around 2:30 in the morning exha usted and delerious...after scribling the following message on our redboard, I passed out in bed...

...Ash and Kat would like to express their undying love and devotion to their friends. That being said they will systematically and ritualistically slaughter anyone who wakes them on Saturday morning...

Yeah. We were tired. Luckily, it's parent's weekend and most of our friends who would wake us up were off with their families.

So, being orphans, Kat and I decide to go down to Friendship Heights. Because of the rain, we have to take the metro, when we normally would have walked. So, I stop to put money on my SmarTrip (something like a gift card...you keep putting money on it and you use it to get around on the WMATA system). I tried 3 times to do this...on both credit and debit...but the machine kept repeating "Authorization denied. Transaction Cancelled." Obviously, this upsets me a good bit...but I figure it was just a messed up machine. We move to another machine and Kat uses her debit card to put money on my card, money that I intend to pay back as soon as we get to an ATM in Friendship Heights. Now, I need to point out. The fact that Kat uses her debit card is INCREDIBLY important later in the story, so pay attention and take notes.

So...we get to Friendship and I check my ATM balance...it reads "-66.68." Obviously, I'm incredibly disturbed. I worked FOREVER this summer to avoid things like this happening, and I should have a couple hundred in my account at the very least. So, after schlepping around Borders and Cosis for a bit, we finally head back to school (walking this time, it more or less stopped raining). And I get my computer to pull up my account online and my cell phone to talk to PNC.

I think its necessary to clarify at this point. I worked a lot this summer and came to school with a good bit of money (some of which I blew on an iPod, something I still don't regret doing) but I still work down here. Every time I'd walk home from babysitting, I'd pass my bank on the way and would stop by the ATM to deposit what they gave me (usually cash) because, hey, I live in a city and guess what? PEOPLE LIKE TO STEAL YOUR STUFF. Also, there's been a series of on campus break ins, so I don't want to keep a ton of cash in my room.

So...continuing on..I'm on the phone with a guy from PNC who is incredibly nice, I tell him the problem (namely that I have no money when I should have a lot of it) and he does a bit of research. Well...you know how I mentioned that I was worried about people stealing my money? Turns out I should have worried about the bank stealing it...and by stealing it I mean LOSING IT. Somehow, the entire time I was depositing money into my account on a weekly basis, they were recorded as "reverse transaction deposits." I have no idea what this means, but its akin to more or less recording the transaction then the money magically disappearing after that. Yay. So...basically...they lost a couple hundred dollars and I've been living entirely off the money I earned from the summer.

Yeah.

I was hysterical and confused. At some point I was crying and asked "why would you do this to me?! I didn't kick puppies in a past life or anything!" He was nice, calming and reassured me that there really wasn't anything that he could do until Monday but file some reports. He assured me that my money would be returned to me...in about 10 business days. That's about 2 weeks for you slow students.

Terribly upset, I just wanted to cry in my bed. BUT I promised Adam that I'd go have dinner w/ his family and Caroline so I had to leave school yet again.

So, Kat and I are late to meet them and end up going with them to Dupont for the best ice cream in the world. Kat and I leave early because she has to go to work and I've got plans with another friend.

Here's where life starts to suck.

Upon getting back on to the Metro, Kat and I stop to put money on the SmarTrips. (She had previously agreed to lend me $5 for this). But for some reason...it wasn't working. The machine kept denying her card.

Now, she flat out knew she had a ton of money in her account, due to hysterically calling Wachovia earlier in the day to check her balance.

Well, it turns out that the WMATA has a very interesting rule that neither I, nor Kat nor ANY of our friends were aware of, despite living in DC and using the Metro on a daily basis for over a year...It turns out that you can only do one credit card transaction per day on the metro station machines.

Enter hysterical fear, stage left.

I think I need to qualify the hysterical fear here. Dupont Circle is 30 BLOCKS AWAY FROM AU. IT WAS DARK AND THERE WAS POURING RAIN. We literally had no way of getting home.

Now, some of you may be asking why Kat didn't just go to an ATM and withdraw money, right? Well...her account is brand new and she DOESN'T HAVE HER PIN NUMBER YET. Incidently, while reaffirming this knowledge at Dupont's CVS, I insulted a homeless war veteran. When he asked me for change, I said (without thinking, 'cus let's face it, I never do that) "Sorry sir, I'm in the same situation." Excuse me, I'll just go use my credit card to purchase my ticket to hell on Amtrak...oh wait, can't do that! NO MONEY!

So...despite being 2 college students from relatively well off families at a top institution...we had no way of getting the 2 dollars we needed to get home.

At this point, we start walking down Mass Ave, attempting to find a bus to take us back to AU. Apparently, Dupont Circle is too good for buses as there were no stops whatsoever. Dismayed and scared, we headed back to the Metro stop...

TO BEG FOR CHANGE...

Yeah, it was bad. I actually have to give Kat credit here, because of the two of us, she was the only one who could actually do it. I just couldn't make myself do that. At one point I actually said "Kat, I would rather DIE TRYING TO WALK THE 30 BLOCKS BACK TO SCHOOL THEN BEG FOR CHANGE!" Damn pride, damnit straight to hell.

So, Kat finally gives up her crusade on the kindness of strangers (she actually got 55 cents) and we start walking down Mass again, fully prepared to die somewhere along the way. Just before we get out of Dupont, we spot 2 cop cars, parked along side each other. While Kat talks on the phone to a hysterical friend, I walk over to them. The conversation went something like this..

MPD 1: What are you looking for, sweetie?
Ash: *grinds teeth* I'm actually not looking for anything. I'm from here, I just need your advice.
MPD 2: What's up, sweetie?
Ash: *grinds teeth and proceeds to explain situation, stressing that it is neither her nor Kat's fault*
MPD 2: HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?
Ash: God hates me.
MPD 2: How old are you, sweetie?
Ash: 20, sir.
MPD 2: And what's your name?
Ash: Ashley
MPD 2: And where did you say you lived?
Ash: AU at 4400 Mass Ave
MPD 2: How old is your friend, sweetie?
Ash: She's 19.
MPD 1/2 Converse
MPD 2: It's on my beat, I can give you guys a ride home if you'd like, sweetie.
Ash: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

So...I'm convinced that he was questioning me to make sure I was neither drunk nor high and while constantly calling me "sweetie" annoyed me, I was not about to comment on it to the man who literally became MY SAVIOR last night.

Now...if I was a normal person...or if normal things happened to me I either a) would not be telling this story or b) would end it here...but this is me, and of course, there has to be more to tell.

So, a relieved Kat and I hop into the back of the MPD cruiser, still profusely thanking MPD 2. When he turned on his lights to cut through traffic and get onto the road he wanted, I should have known we were in for something interesting...

So..turns out...MPD 2 DRIVES LIKE KAT! Only he's allowed to, because he's a cop. He was accelerating to 60+ on WET DC roads like no one's business. I glanced over at Kat and she had this evil gleam in her eye that looked like she had found her soul mate...if he was taller.

So...yeah...MPD 2 is speeding down Mass Ave when a taxi cuts him off. I believe his words were something like "OH FUCK NO YOU DID NOT DO THAT TO ME!" He then proceeded to pull over the taxi and yell at the guy. Here's to beautiful, sweet revenge for anyone who's ever been cut off or ignored by DC taxis. Rock on MPD 2. You made my night.

Ultimately, my life is cool.

For anyone who comes down to DC from the North...chances are you've probably seen this building from somewhere on the Beltway (Capital, not Baltimore). WHAT THE HELL IS IT?! It reminds me, oddly enough, of a Masonic temple even though the architecture and such is completely wrong...But really..if you actually know what it is, please tell me, it's starting to keep me up at night...

Well...ok...it doesn't do that, but rest assured it WOULD if I saw it more then 4 or 5 times a year...

Anyways...odd buildings aside...I'd just like to go ahead and put this out there...

I live in a beautiful, amazing city.

Last Friday Rick came to visit. It was great to see him and I miss him horribly already, but that's not the point of this entry. As Kat and I were wandering around Union, waiting for his train to get in, we walked down to the Capitol and I have to say...Seeing lights on, realizing that people actually work there and knowing that I really do live here...it just amazed me.

Even though today was probably not the best day to wear a skirt and flip flops...and even though my teeth are chattered as I skuttled to and from class today, I am content and very happy.

Ain't no use in complaining...when you got a job to do...

So...yeah...I'm beginning to think I'm mildly bi polar...

Yesterday started out great, ended HORRIBLY and today, once again, feeling great. Maybe I should look into medication...

...only no, not at all...

Turns out, I backed up SOME of my class notes on CDs...and for some inexplicable reason some of those backed up were all of my Policing in America notes. So, end game you ask? I massacred my midterm and by massacre I mean I knocked it down and kicked it into a bloody pulp.

Babysitting from about 2:45 til midnight tomorrow and then am running the kids around a bit on Thursday, so there will be copious amounts of money for Ash (at least part of which I will be using to buy my ticket to Philly).

My allergies seem to be letting up a bit...granted this might just be a one day reprieve before the Powers that Be decide to stuff some pollen right underneath my nose, but I'm taking what I can get.

Basically...I'm trying a new lease on life out...Things happen, if I can forsee/prevent them, then I shall do my best to, but sometimes there's just nothing to be done about it. Sometimes you just get dealt a bad hand and to those things you can only control your reactions...Oddly enough, I don't want to spend half of my life being a raving maniac who gets so stressed out over the grocery store not having bird seed, kills a clerk and gets carted off to a super max....

Rest assured I REFUSE to turn into an apathetic, ambitionless waste of space, time and air, but I really do need to mellow out a bit.

I ALWAYS want to hear all the beeps that sound to alert me that the microwave is finished*...and I certainly don't want to turn into one of the psychos dashing headlong down the metroscalator because *gasp* heaven forbid they miss a train when an IDENTICAL one will be rolling around in appx. 3.15 minutes.

*If anyone gets that reference...I'll marry you. Provided that you're, you know, male and attractive.

...utter, complete silence...

And do you know why there's utter, complete silence? Would you like to take a guess?

Rasputin crashed today. Resulting in the complete wipe out of my harddrive (music, pictures, CLASS NOTES, quotes, journal entries...everything gone in a heartbeat). Yeah...had a minor emotional breakdown followed by listening to Shea play the piano, which actually helped me regain a bit of control on my emotions, so forth and so on. Dearest Kat then came home and set up my internet again, in record time, so Rasputin is more or less healed. But nonetheless...everything is gone...and I just can't believe it happened.

Seriously, did I kick puppies in a past life or something?

Truth be told though...this was the LAST thing I needed to have happen today...

Back beat, word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out

This year, I'm trying something new. Anything that I have as memories from something happy and fun I did this year (movie stubs, speakers announcements, train tickets) I'm taping on to my wall. It's right above my bed and I wake up staring at either it or the pictures of Barbados I have taped to my bookcase. The amount of growth on the wall of happiness is directly proportional to my level of peace, calm and happiness.

Have I mentioned that I truly love DC? It's amazing how something as simple as going to see a movie in Georgetown can make me so utterly happy and at peace with myself.

Thus begins the next few weeks of craziness...Next weekend is parent's weekend and a debate at UMD. While my own parents are leaving me to orphanage that weekend, I should get to meet Adam's dad and that's cool. Immediately following that is AU's tournament (AUers...seriously, I need people to house debators from other schools. Don't make me come banging down your door!). After that is a tournament at GWU which I probably will not attend because of a little something called POLICE RIDE ALONG. Gotta say, very excited about that. Then it's up to Philly for a visit with the infamous Jo and shortly thereafter is Thanksgiving, immediately followed by going to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra with Dave, Carol and possibly Ben.

In related news...it's official, I'm going to Ireland over Spring Break. I'm locked into an agreement with my roommate who has threatened me with fiery death should I back out (something that I have no intention of doing) and that's as good as buying my ticket and cementing myself to the 747.

In bed last night at 4...up this morning at 10...seriously, the only thing that could make today better is a) not having to study and b) still being asleep.

Nothing but LOVE for everyone.

FYI: New SN goes into effect tonight. macashsar for those of you who have yet to GET IT DOWN.

May your cup runneth over...

...with my words. Mwahaha.

In approximately 1 hour, I will have been up for 24 hours straight. While this is no great accomplishment and is certainly not the first time...this is the first time it's been both involuntary and completely lacking in the category of fun.

Fucking insomnia. A plague on however many houses you have!

A run down of my day, thus far?

2:30: Phone call from Shea.
3: Off phone w/ aforementioned Shea, back to bed.
3-9: Stared at ceiling, watched the sunrise, cursed the day I was born.
9-11:30: Packed, showered, said g'bye to dog and house
11:30-1:30: Drove back home.
2: Dropped all stuff in room, left harassing messages for friends on their doors, left for work.
3-7: Work. Oh the joys of chasing little kids around...
7:30: Back at school. Dinner/chat with Rachel.
8-10: Unpacked, continued chatting with Rachel (received some lovely apples from an orchard in Syracuse)
10-11:20: Chatted with Jo on phone. 29 days til Philly!
11:30-12: Kat returned home. Chatted with her til she left for work. Started laughing hysterically over absolutely nothing.
12: There was a knock, knock, knock on my chamber door. It was l'Adam, begging for a few hours of sleep.
12-12:30: Shower.
12:30-present: Sitting in room, contemplating sleep, wondering if it will elude me, yet again. Dreading tennis. Dreading sunrise. Dreading tomorrow.

Ash is in desperate need of a) sleep and b) non-anxiety ridden down time.

I worry that my roommate grows fearful of my random bouts of semi hysterical laughter.

As a joke...I sent a bottle of whiskey...as you choked, you said it made you feel dirty...

I've got absolutely nothing to say..so let's just do some general announcements...

1) The Empire of Katash will re-open earlier then anticipated. I'm back tomorrow around 2. However, I'm leaving almost immediately for work so feel free to come up and harass any time after 7.

2) New SN: macashsar. Once I get back to DSL, I'm going to post it in my away messages for a few days before making the transition. Bye bye catori sedai, you've been pretty good to me, but I've had you for far too long. Props to anyone who can figure out where macashsar comes from. Seriously, it shouldn't be too hard. This one's actually in English. When was the last time I had an SN in English? I honestly don't remember...

3) Exactly one month from today (Nov 11) I will be in Philly at Chestnut Hill, visiting Jo. To all of you studying in in the City of Brotherly Love (aka extreme poverty), gimme a ring, I'd like to see y'all if possible. Wicked, wicked excited.

4) Guster concert in early November. If you're interested at all, let me know. It's in Baltimore.

5) One more midterm (Policing in America, it's going to be a bitch), then my work load is dramatically decreased until the December rush. Still having weekly quizzes in PiA, as well as quizzes in ItSJ, but that's all manageable.

6) I think I've got 3 more big (aka 20+ pages) papers due before the semester ends: History/Philosophy of Criminology, Intro to Sys of Justice and Anthropology of Genocide. Stiff upper lip, Ash, you can do this. My topics? Sex trafficking, more or less op-ed piece on the MPD (Metropolitan Police Dept for you non-DCers) and the pre-Holocaust propaganda of the Third Reich. Damn, I really am a college student. It really does amaze me when I look at some of my topics and some of the things I've written...hasn't really sunken in yet.

7) On Nov. 5 I get to go on a police ride along in the 4th district...it's going to last for like 8 hours and I'm wicked excited. (This is actually more for me..so that I don't forget the date again..). I hope I get to bust up a crackhouse...mostly so that I can then proceed to sell aforementioned drugs to the overly wealthy crack addicts at school...I wouldn't want any for myself...no..not at all...

8) The Killers make me incredibly happy, and will always remind me of dancing around Baltimore with Adam. They make no fucking sense whatsoever, but hey, who needs logic?

9) I am insomnia's bitch. 3 hours of sleep last night. Yeah...it hurts me deep down inside, where the feelings are...

And I do believe that about sums everything up...

Pennsylvania is like a bad horror flick from the 50s...

...you know the ones I'm talking about...the B raters with the bad plots and acting..the ones where mutant aliens from another planets come and suck the brains out of the poor, innocent earthlings...

Yeah, that's kind of like how I feel right now...Everything here is just so morose and bland, it's like there's no feeling of life, no vibrancy, no energy. Being with my family is cool...and seeing friends is/will be cool...but I need an atmosphere that's got a high emotional charge, whether it be positive or negative. This neutrality is SLOWLY KILLING ME.

Maybe it's the weather...maybe it's the lack of a decent fall..hell, maybe it's even the DAMN WAL-MART THAT'S BEING BUILT DOWN THE ROAD FROM ME, but I've just been drifting in this state of semi-conscious thought since I got home. It makes me sad...incredibly sad...

Not working was a mistake...at least when I'm horribly busy I can keep my mind occupied...but without that constant need to be somewhere doing something...I'm just kind of wading around in a pool of eternity, waiting for a tomorrow that never seems to come.

Excuse me while I go kick myself in the arse twice...once for actually typing that and a second time for not deleting it immediately.

Tomorrow and Tuesday should be better...shopping with mom, visitng people at the hospital, hanging out w/ Katie and Ben, seeing the Gloriosos and the Levines...and Wednesday its back to the city, hopefully in time to do some work so I have available cash for the weekend.

On a happy note...some things I'm looking forward to...
1) Rick's visit
2) Ireland over SB
3) Christmas shopping in Georgetown and Pentagon City (just because the atmosphere is so cool)
4) Visiting Jo in Philly
5) Europe this summer (taking it by storm..one European Union country at time..DOWN goes the Euro!). Quiet, all of you, I swear I'm not on crack.
6) The fading of my flip flop tan (seriously...it's still horrendous..I must post pictures of it at some point or other...just so you can understand the horror that is this thing. My dad actually though I just hadn't washed my feet in weeks).
7) The Debates. All of them.

Also..I'm pondering the possibility of a new SN...we can all thank Adam for the lovely idea he put into my head (albeit unknowingly). We'll see..should I chose to switch I'll post it here and let everyone who matters know personally (via away message, obviously).

Memories of a happier time...

Rache and I...enjoying a daquiri before galavanting off to partake in some drunk dialing...

This is Shea and I from last spring at his and Kat's birthday...yeah...that was a good day...

So...exhausted...yeah...that doesn't even begin to describe how I feel now...it's like I'm driving on black ice, about to crash into whatever's in front of me and I've got no control whatsoever. It's not like my life is bad...it's just that I'm JUST NOW coming off the caffeine/sugar high I put myself on last night to finish that god forsaken paper. I don't like this feeling...it's kind of like being drunk...only NOT FUN AT ALL.

Also...I really have no desire to revert back to being an insomniac...I've just finally gotten it under control and I don't need to go back there! NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO! YOU CAN'T!

Right now..my redboard says "Je suis finis avec le papier de MORT! MON DIEU!" Most of you are probably intelligent enough to translate that...and if not..well...think about it...this is me...I'm speaking French here people...

Also..I'd really like a nap...and I might be able to take one now that my room is clean...

On a random note (not that this entire entry wasn't random) I'd just like to go on the record with a conversation...

Ash: Adam, can I borrow your duct tape?

Adam: Sure, why?

Ash: I need to duct tape Bob to my bed...

Adam: *blinks and cocks his head in that way he does when he's confused*

Shea: Lucky Bob!!

Out of context...that is so brilliant it makes me GIGGLE. Giggle I say!

I'm going to shut up now...and go watch the OC. Don't judge me!

...

Yes, that's right...the title of this entry is "..." indeed. Why? Because I am literally speechless.

Now, everyone at AU has heard me rant about the Frat Monkeys, and a few people at home have as well, so I'm not going into details about the sitauation. So let's just suffice it to say that there is a very large group project about religion in Russia and the US, that somehow I got stuck with 2 Pi Kappa Alphas (PIKEs, for those of you who don't have their branches at your school). I was not happy...PIKE guys do not have the reputation of being decent human beings, not at all...and while Brendan and Alex were at least nice, neither of them knew anything about the topic and constantly missed/were late for our meetings, thus fucking up my schedule to no end. At any rate...once I discovered that I was partners with Frat Monkeys who declared themselves to be completely incompetent writers, I quickly volunteered to write the paper, if they would handle the research and the presentation. They eagerly agreed and I was relieved, because this paper is a huge part of our end grade.

Well...I was incredibly wrong....I had to meet with them several times over the course of a week and a half, because for some odd reason they felt it necessary that I be there...whatever...it didn't start bothering me until they started cancelling at the last minute.

So...presentation went pretty well, and the FMs gave me their research as well as notes so I could write the paper. *NOTE: I should have known this was going to be bad when it was changed from a 15 page maximum to a 15 page minimum* But last night, I got down to hardcore work on the paper and would you like to guess what I discovered? I can scarecely believe it myself.

They skipped over 300 years of Russian history. I am not exaggerating. They talked about Michael Romanov (the first Romanov who took the throne in 1613) then went straight to the BOLSHEVIK REVOLUTION IN 1917. When I saw this...I think I just sort of stared...it's not like they neglected to talk about one of the tsars...they didn't talk about ANY of them. They didn't do any research on any of them...and I'm just utterly speechless.

I can't even summon up the energy to rant about this, though a huge part of me wants to be indignant about the whole situation but I can't, because this is at least partially my fault. I really should have given them an idea of what sort of things they should cover, but never in my wildest dreams did I think that they could possibly just think it was OK to skip almost the entire Romanov dynasty... I mean, maybe one of the tsars or some sort of obscure policy but the entire royal line? They're the fucking ROMANOVS for the love of all that's good and decent.

I still maintain that I made the right decision, in offering to write the paper. Granted, about 2 or 3 extra hours of work has now been created for me, but at least I know exactly what else I have to cover...

Karma has once again proved, I am her bitch.

I find it mildly entertaining that...

...I will never have free time. Ever again. Earlier today I was attempting to figure out the best time to make a weekend excursion to Philly to visit Jo and would you like to guess what I discovered?

My next free weekend is November 11-13!! Actually..no..now it's more like December...because I fully intend to use that weekend to visit Jo...then immediately following that there is a debate in NYC that I'd *like* to go to...and immediately following that is Thanksgiving...

I can't decide if I really love my life...or if I'm just exhausted from it and therefore delerious. Did I spell that right?

Georgetown is far sketchier than Chinatown...

...and the sad part is...it's actually entirely true...

Last night Kat and I went to see Corpse Bride (excellent movie, I really do recommend it though I will warn you, it's creepy as all hell...even by Tim Burton's standards). So...it was an entirely innocent night...no alcohol, cocaine or acid was consumed, yet it still ended up being entirely amusing...

Let's just say that I forgot how ridiculous Georgetown can get late at night on a Friday...in cronological order...let's rehash the night, shall we?

-A very drunk, semi balding man approached Kat and I as we stood underneath a street light on Wisconsin...he proceeded to ask us if we wanted to get a cab with him...approximately 8 times...finally Kat snapped and said "Well, you can't get a cab here, but if you just walk up to the next block...I'm sure you can get one there" the man *giggled* and remained rooted in place...so Kat hailed a cab for him. After a few seconds of asking us if we wanted to ride home with him, he was finally away...thank you god.

-An entire cab full of moderately attractive guys pulled up to us, beginning the conversation with "Well heeeeeeellllllllllloooooooooo" to which Kat responded (very tactfully) "You're wasted." The leader of the posse proceeded to declare, rather fervently I might add, "No way! I'm sotally tober!!!!" Then, screamed, almost simultaneously at Kat and I was..."You're really fot!" and "I like your dress!!!"

At this point..Ash and Kat declare it to be faster to walk to Foggy Bottom/GWU and catch the metro....here is where the real fun begins...

On M Street, across the street from Georgetown Park Mall...Kat and Ash were assaulted by yet another cab full of really intoxicated men. These men were neither attractive nor witty and asked repeatedly if a) we'd like to go home with them and b) what was under Kat's skirt.

Enter FEAR, stage left.

Ash and Kat dart across M Street and begin walking the other direction, towards GWU. Appx 5 minutes later, Ash and Kat encounter 2 rather good looking, very mildly intoxicated guys, aged appx 21. One declares, in a loud voice while staring directly at Ash "Wow, you're really hot! Come home with me right now!" Ash proceeds to walk calmly in the other direction while aforementioned guy yells over his shoulder "Come home with me so I can rape you!!!"

Now comes the piece de resistance of the evening. Ash and Kat are walking rather quickly down M Street towards GWU when suddenly the pass a shortish, foreign looking man aged appx. 30 WHO BEGINS TO FOLLOW THEM!!! Ash and Kat fear for their lives before asking, in very exasperated tones, if they can help the man find whatever he's looking for. I think the next part of this conversation can only be done in dialogue...

Ash: Uh...can I help you?
Turkish Guy: I think you can...
Ash: Uh...what are you looking for?
Turkish Guy: I'm looking for love! *Proceeds to wrap an arm around Ash's shoulders*
Ash: Well, I certainly can't help you with that! But maybe if you look down there *points down Thomas Jefferson Ave* you'll find it!
Turkish Guy: Why are you lying to me?!?
Ash: Why are you touching me?!?!

Somehow...no one died that night...and no one was raped...but I think the best way to sum up the evening was with a quote of Adam's this morning at breakfast, when he learned some of our escapades...

*Cocks head with a mildly pained look in eyes* Wow...I'm really glad I'm not a woman...

It seems today..all you see...is violence in movies and sex on TV...

So...yeah...fountains are cool...

Let me clarify..I am neither high nor drunk and I have some very good reasons for stating this...but first, let's travel back through time in my newly purchased diamond encrusted time machine.

Last July I was in one of my angsty-don't-quite-know-what-to-do-with-my-life moods. I was home alone and miserable and it started pouring and lightning outside. It was beautifully and miserably fitting. So...I went outside and sat under the alcove of my front door and just of stared at my middle class life. Then, I suddenly had the realization...I treated my life the way I treated the rain...I was watched my life just like I watched the storm, refusing to take part in it for fear of looking stupid or being struck by lightning. So in that split second I made a decision. After a second of agonizingly telling myself "IF I DON'T DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW, MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD WILL BE LOST FOREVER!!" I jumped out from underneath the alcove and DANCED IN THE RAIN. It was spectacular, amazing and punctuated by green lightning. Especially since cars slowed down and watched my utter insanity.

Let me just clarify...according to my roommate...I AM WHITER THAN DONALD TRUMP. I cannot dance. At all. Even when drunk. In fact...when I'm drunk...it's worse!

However...there's a method to my madness. Tonight, I had a similar experience. In a moment of utter abandon and just coolness, Kat (my roommate) and I decided to dance in a fountain. Fully clothed. IT WAS AMAZING. It was just one of the few moments of my life where I stopped caring what the world thought...stopped caring about the consequences of my action (aka possible rape or pneumonia) and just did what I wanted to do. I am happy like whoa.

Incidently...when we got back to Hughes, we were stuck in a elevator full of frat boys. UTTER SILENCE. I am still laughing, and it is hours and hours later. Mwahaha.

I say don't you know...you say you don't know...

So...parents...yeah...they were here this weekend. It was a great deal of fun but somehow as we sat at dinner in Georgetown, we got to talking about my second grade year.

As you may or may not know, I consider 2nd grade to be my favourite year in all of my elementary years. I had the best teacher in the world (Mrs. Becker) who was the first person to really believe in me and whatever abilities I seemed to possess at the time (had her fooled, didn't I?) Oddly enough though...I think this was the year when my creativity really started flowing...for instance...upon being questioned on what the one thing in the world we wanted to have more than anything else...would anyone like to guess at what this was? I'll give you some hints...it was not the stereotypical "a TV in my room" or "a million dollars." So what was my response, you ask? Well...in short...in second grade, at approximately age 8, the one thing I genuinely wanted in the world..more than anything else...was, and I quote "to see the world though another person's eyes."

Exactly how fucked up was Ash as a young child? Very. Exactly how messed up is Ash as a young adult? Incredibly, considering the fact that my greatest ambition is still to see the world through the eyes of another. Actually though, my childhood ambition has grown and developed over the years and I think I understand the philosophical impact of my desire a bit more now...eleven years later.

However...this is not what I'm here to tell you about...I'm here to tell you about a story of woe, amusement and nothing but PAIN for all involved.

So..it was approximately December of 2nd grade and my clever teacher decided to have us write out what we wish we could give our parents for Christmas. I say clever because she must have realized the stress kids go through when they wonder what to get their parents when a) they have no money to spend and b) little to no drawing ability with which to make pretty pictures. Yay for Mrs. Becker. Interestingly enough...Mrs. Becker decided to invte the parents to a Christmas party in the classroom so the kids could present their presents with the papers we had written and coloured on...*insert weepy but happy "awwww" here*

There was actually a fairly good turnout, mostly mothers. Because let's face it, Ash grew up in upper middle class suburbia where wives drive SUVs and take care of the kids while the husband's drive BMWs and "take care" of their secretaries.

Now..if memory serves...both of my parents attended this event. Yay for being loved. So...after munching on way too much soda and cookies, we all took turns reading our little things and giving them to our parents. I was very excited about my paper, because I put a lot of thought into it and I figured out something that I thought my parents would both use and enjoy. I was very very pleased with myself. However, my last name being MacVeigh, I had to wait to go for quite a while. You can imagine that I was sitting on pins and needles the entire time. And while the other kids read off their presents (mostly consisting of blase and typical vacations or millions of dollars) I smirked knowingly, confident in my beliefs that mine was by far the most unique and useful present.

Would you all like to guess what my presents to my parents were? WOULD YOU?!?!?!?

MATCHING CALCULATORS. Yes, you read correctly. In 2nd grade, when given the opportunity to get my parents anything in the world, I chose to get them matching purple calculators.

WHAT THE HELL?!?! WHO DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! In my own defense...let me present my reasoning to you...my mom is an accountant. My dad is an engineer who likes to calculate his money. I THOUGHT THEY WOULD LIKE THE CALCULATORS. The best part is I actually think that I said "My daddy would like a calculator because he likes to count money" in front of the entire class.

The sad part was...I didn't realize just how messed up this was until the very end. My parents were gaping at me with awe, shock and amazement. And while the rest of the kids got very polite and midly enthusiastic applause...what did I get? UTTER SILENCE. It probably took about 30 seconds for people to realize that an 8 year old had just chosen to give her parents calculators for Christmas and finally clap sporadically at best.

Oddly enough...I stand by my freakishly...eh...presents. My parents still love bringing it up every chance they get...particularly my mother...I don't think she's ever gotten over the shock of it...

So...today's lesson kids? Don't have kids. They'll get up in front of the class, imply that you're a horrible person by giving you a calculator for Christmas and then say "DADDY LIKES TO COUNT MONEY!" in front of their entire class.

Also...I feel like this event explains a lot of my current idiosyncrasies.

Cheers to utter insanity.

So if you're lonely...you know I'll be here waiting for you...

Well, it appears as though my posting (for the time being at least) will be sporadic at best. I'm sorry...I'm sure all of you will survive, but on the off chance you weep in misery and pain, feel free to take a picture of me, hang it on a wall and throw darts at it repeatedly. Trust me, you'll feel better.

To all those who wished me happy birthday/bought me stuff this week...thank you very much...on September 8 I was filled with a very warm and fuzzy feeling that I can equate to nothing other than love. Yay for happiness.

My birthday was more or less a three day celebration...on the actual day (September 8), my roommates and I went out to a two hour long dinner at Angelico's which was actually a joint celebration (my birthday and Carey's leaving for Ireland). That particular celebratoin was punctuated with a videotape of me stuffing a large chunk of cheesecake in my mouth...I feel like somehow that is going to come back and bite me in the ass one day.

At any rate...cheesecake aside...we're charging on to Friday...went out to Lulu's with Rachel, Kathryn and a bunch of people from Leonard. Also an incredibly fun time. I looked stupid and I'm ok with that.

Yesterday (Saturday) Sara made a huge dinner which was delicious and shared by many people to commemorate Adam, Sara and me. The presents Rache and I gave to both of them went over very well, I think and afterwards I watched Adam and Shea own DDR and eventually settled down to watch way too much South Park. 6th grade flashbacks anyone? Eventually returned to the Empire of Katash and passed out (after getting a lovely drunk dial from Jo. Thanks bud!)

All in all...a very fun/productive past few days though. Gotta say though, I'm glad my birthday is over. It's impossible for me to forget what happened 5 years ago, and even though I had a great time and my friends are amazing, the pain just seeps back into my memory when I'm alone and I'd prefer not to deal with it. I suppose it's always going to be like this, and though that makes me mildly sad, it's a fact of life that I have accepted and decided not to dwell on.

So...enough for depression...on to randomness! I have finally gone to the dark side...and by dark side I mean the Apple side. No, I have not sold Rasputin and bought an iBook, however; I did sink into mass culture and purchase an iPod. It's a lovely 20GB white thing that holds all my music and makes me giggling happy. Yes, giggling happy. What inspired this purchase? Well...Dave sent me a rather large check for my birthday and I decied that since I've been wanting one, the money was unexpected and...well...you can't take it with you...might as well go ahead and do it. I won't lie...when I looked at the serial number to register my iPod and saw, displayed proudly "Designed in California, Assembled in China" a bit of my soul died. Whatever...I'm safe as long as I don't start popping my collar and carrying a latte with me everywhere I go.

I have named it Tufaha and whoever can figure out where that comes from (roommates excluded from this competition!) will get a dollar. A whole, shiny, germ infested dollar!!

Let the games begin.

4 shots of Absolut later...

Yes, I admit it, I am quite possibly the worst light:weight in the history of humanity. Last night I wasn't quite bad British accent drunk but I was drunk enough to...

...drunk dial Jo, Kate and Ian...
...drunk text message Shea and Nicholas...
...drunk IM Scott, Ian and Dillon...

...and as for actual things said and actions done, lets have some quotes, shall we?

Me: I think the vodka's in the television *said while staring at the fridge*
Kat: Uhhh...Adam and Shea don't have a television...
Me: Oh...

Me: Adam, I love you so much...
Adam: Sleep it off, Ash...sleep it off...

Carey: My last name means dark haired one in German..
Me: That's cool...but you have medium brown hair!!

I fell off of a stability ball...

Called up Jo, in the hall, and said (in an incredibly loud voice) "I'm soooo drunk!" For those slow students out there...the RA frequently walks through the halls...

However...as ridiculous as I may be...I'd like to clarify some things...It's 9:30...I am not hungover at all and while I may have been drunk off my ass last night (and I fully admit to that, now) I have one thing going over all of you! I am a far more economical drunk than the rest of you...the drunk for the poor college student...4 sfhots gets me drunk as all hell...mwahaha!

Saving money...one shot at a time...

I walk a lonely road, the only one I have ever known...

So, there's a Jimmy Eat World and Green Day concert going on tonight in Columbia. That's right, you heard me. Two of my favourite bands...not too far away...and I'm missing them...

Oh car...I miss you so...

Oh well, c'est la vie. There will be more and BETTER opportunities for musical happiness. However, I can safely say that listening to Green Day is not really improving my state of mind.

Back at AU and I must say it is quite fantastic. I did miss this place horribly and getting attacked with welcomes from my friends (thank you Kat and Carey) the second I got out of the car was reassuring and made me feel very loved. Incidently, when I say attacked, I do mean attacked.

Spent the weekend catching up with people and am now offcially elbow deep in work. MY BOOKS OWN MY SOUL. Seriously. A few of my professors are nuts and ALL of them are like "there will be random, unannounced pop quizes to ENSURE THAT YOU DID YOU WORK AND READ MY BOOKS, YOU SLUTS!"

Dead serious. That's all true. Every last one of my professors called me a slut today. It hurt. Because it's true.

At any rate...all of my classes are good...I'm happy with them and am mildly entertaining the possibility of a dual major in justice and anthroplogy...we'll see how Genocide goes...if I can handle that I can handle ANYTHING in that major. MWAHAHA! I WILL OWN THE POINTLESS MAJORS!

On another note...I'm still obsessed with Russia...more so than ever...because clearly, I like the pain.

Readers Beware, You're in for a Scare

Anyone actually remember where that comes from? Oh the Early 90s...how I miss thee...

At any rate...plowing forward onto the inspiration behind this ridiculously early posting...

Somehow this morning, mid coffee, my mom got me to start talking about my beliefs, where I stand and about fate, karma, destiny and all those interesting topics which are, quite frankly, too damn deep for any time pre-noon.

But at any rate...I'd like to put down my thoughts here. And by thoughts I do mean exactly what I say. These are just ideas, they are not beliefs. To quote Chris Rock from Dogma (which is actually a movie with a lot more potential than most people realize) "People should have ideas...I mean, you can change an idea...beliefs are a lot trickier to change." What I'm thinking here is not strong enough to be considered a belief...I mean, after all, I'm not going to go killing the next person I see because they think something differently than I do, and let's face it, a lot of beliefs had ended up that way.

So here goes...I would like all of you to picture a metaphorical pitcher of water...and millions upon millions of glasses...some full of water...some empty. Image, if you will, that the pitcher of water is not actually water at all, but rather but a collective gathering of souls, spirits, essenses, whatever you want to call it. You get the idea. Those glasses (both those that are full and those that are empty) are representations of the bodies of men, women and children...every person on the face of the planet, and every person who will be or has ever been has a glass. Those that are currently alive are full, those who are waiting to be born or those who are already deceased are empty. When you die, in my thoughts, your water (aka your immortal soul) gets poured back into the pitcher and everything you ever did, every thought, idea, belief you ever held (all a part of who you are) gets poured right back in there. Who you are, your life, changes the pitcher of water...the collective of souls...and part of you, even if its just the tiniest bit, gets poured into the next child to be born and the next child after that...on and on for eternity.

Let me be very very clear on this...in my thoughts, this is true for every person who has ever walked the planet. That includes the great people, the Ghandis and the Mother Teresas....but it also includes the horrible people...the Hitlers and the Polpots...In my thoughts...everyone goes back in and what they did during their life changes the collective, thus leaving their impact on humanity forever.

So...there is my justification for being a good person and attempting to do the right things. For me, it's not about earning the favor of a higher power, it's about doing what is best for the collective, changing it for the better through your life and through your actions.

And where does a higher power come into all of this? Very simply actually...I am not an atheist, nor will I ever be...so a higher power does enter into this...in my view, one called God, Allah, Creator...whatever you wish..is the one who picks up the pitcher to refill the glasses...the glasses are all poured equally, so everyone is made equally and all that jazz...

So there you have it...my current stance...as previously stated, this is not a belief, it is just an idea...open to change, very fluid. I realize there's holes in it, I realize it's somewhat childlike but I also realize that it's not something I'm willing to die for...something I'm willing to defend until I'm blue in the face because for me..it's just a starting point...something to build something bigger and something greater on...but for me at least, it's a damned good start.

Now...on to a different topic...I would like all of you to refer back to the entry of Wednesday, June 22, 2005. http://catorisedai.blogspot.com/2005/06/insert-random-lyrics-from-sahara-here.html#comments OK, now since I know all of you are lazy, children of the internet age and can't even bring yourself to click a friggin link, I'll paraphrase. This was the details of my visit to see Dr. Friedrich, my dermatologist...about a suspicious bump on my left arm. Once again...he declared me perfectly fine but took one look at my mother, declared that she was a walking, cancerous mole and ordered her back in a month for surgery. She had 2 moles removed last week and he sent them off for a bioposy. She, the Gloriosos and I were standing in the road, chatting yesterday when he walked past walking his little daschshund. He walked up to inspect her arm, saying "Yeah...we just got those bioposies back..they were precancerous..we got them off just in time..." Yep, that's right...even though my mom's been to a number of dermatologists...none of them ever spotted it..until he found them when it was actually MY appointment. So...basically...when I hurt myself 15 years ago and caused that scar tissue...though it might have been painful for me at the time...ended up probably saving my mom's life...

Damn...can anyone actually doubt fate when something like that happens?

Irony is just hypocrisy in drag...

This weekend I...
~Heard the line "I haven't seen you since you were *insert random amount of measurement here* big!" approximately 83 times.
~Listened to a really bad Christian rock band first proclaim their undying love for God...then immediately proceed to playing Britney Spears' "best hits"
~Was woken up at 7 in the morning by screaming children
~Was told repeatedly that I looked exactly like my mother/grandmother and my sister (except my mother/grandmother and my sister look NOTHING alike)
~Was told that I could not drive my car 2 miles home because I'd had a glass of Chianti and a sip or two of Corona and Smirnoff...4 hours and 2 bottles of water after the actual alcohol consumption took place...(this, I found more amusing than anything else...)
~Was hit on by a 90 year old man...who was a friend of my grandfather...
~Watched 2 of my great aunts (aged appx. 70-75 years old) dance to "Hollaback Girl"
~Listened as 2 aforementioned great aunts had, for lack of a better term, a smackdown with my great Uncle Ralph. Later laughed as great Uncle Ralph more or less ran away, cowering in fear.

Yep, that's right people...this weekend was my annual family reunion...one day I'm going to secretly videotape this annual event...just as proof that things like this actually happen...

...Rasputin arrived today and he is aammaazziinngg. Completely worth the summer of hell to get him...

To my AU darlings...I'm not coming back to school till Saturday morning as my Uncle Danny and Aunt Joanne have decided to stay with us until Friday night...sorry loves...I thought I'd be able to get down there on Thursday or Friday at the latest...Le sigh...I may return to school muttering some nonsense about my Uncle Danny but..once again, I shall return with some fantastic stories...

I'm beginning to think I'm a bit of a whore...with my blog...I change my title all the time...I think the longest I've ever had one title was "Time Alone Is Good, I Spend My Days in the City" and that was a few months at best...Alas, there is an actual story behind this new title, it's not some random song lyric (because, I mean...then it would have to be a country lyric...and we all know I don't listen to country...oh wait...that's a lie since I just ripped Kenny Rogers onto Rasputin...but he has such a nice beard, how could I refuse?)

If anyone besides the Great Baba Nagusch gets that reference...well, clearly you've risen above the lowly level of stalker and have officially infiltrated my thoughts...damn the hippies and their Freedom of Information Act!

And now, before I lose my collection of min...I mean friends...I'm just going to tais toi...

Adieu

...In da club with mah homies...

I prefer the silence.

Well...yet another humorous (I hope) update from the land of fast food...aka Arby's...

As many of you may know, I typically do not befriend people I work with...I very seldom have much in common with them, aside from shared hatred of our job....conversations would go something like this...

Random Arby's Employee: Hey
Ash: Hey.
*silence*
Ash: So work sucks...
Random Arby's Employee: Yep. Sure does, yo.
Ash: *dies*
Random Arby's Employee: Word.

...so, in order to avoid a painful and ghastly death, I keep my co-workers at arm's length. However...every now and then there are one or two who are just too damn funny not to love...and today, I am here to talk about the antics of one called Brian.

Now, for my YCers...I ask you to remember Paschke...put red hair on him and a more outlandish sense of humour and you have Brian. Literally. It's mildly frightening. For my non-YCers...Brian is an overly enthusiastic, mildly obnoxious, outwardly self confidant teddy bear. He's about 6'4 and is a pretty big guy overall.

Now picture that lumbering towards you asking for a hug. This is my life on a daily basis. However, I am not here to discuss the therapy one must go through after being forced to be hugged by Brian..but I am here to relay the experiences of two others...and now...I go into dramatic writing mode...

Setting: Arby's. 7pm. Jeremy the Thug is going on break and waiting in line to get something to eat. Ashley is refilling marinara sauces over in the corner. Brian is taking Jeremy the Thug's order.
Jeremy the Thug: What up, yo. Get me some *insert random Arby's food here* And give me my goddamn 50% discount. Word, yo.
Brian: *jokingly* I refuse to give you the discount.
JtT: WTF?!!?
Brian: *continues to joke* No disocunt for you. HAHAHAHA!
*Ashley is unaware of the antics at the front register, and continues happily filling up the marinaras*
*Brian and Jeremy the Thug begin to physically struggle over the discount. Both are deadlocked, gripping each other over the register. Ashley turns around and sees what appears to be two very large men embracing each other while screaming*
Ashley: OK...whatever...didn't know y'all were into that but whatever gets you through the night...
Jeremey the Thug: *mortified* THIS IS ABOUT MY DISCOUNT!
Ashley: Regular customer of Brian's then, eh? Didn't know he was so much in demand...
Jeremey the Thug: *dies*
Brian: *falls over laughing* Jeremey the Thug...you and I have just had an Arby's moment...give me a hug...we need to commemorate this event...
Jeremey the Thug: NO WAY MAN! *darts off across the restaurant at a lope*
*Brian proceeds to chase Jeremy the Thug around the restaurant with his arms open, demanding a hug. Jeremy the Thug darts past Ashley with a wild, frantic look in his eyes*
Jeremy the Thug: HELP ME!
Brian: I JUST WANT A HUG!!!!

And on to story number 2!! Unfortunately, I was not present for this one...but I will do the best I can to relay the story as accurately as humanly possible.

Setting: Arby's. Pre-lunch Rush. Brian has just been yelled at by a customer and is feeling rather blue so he asks Val, the Kung Foo Ninja Drive Thru Lady, for a hug to make him feel better...the following conversation ensues...

Brian: I am so sad. Woe is me. Val, can I have a hug?
Val, the Kung Foo Ninja Drive Thru Lady: *brightly* Wait one second Brian! Wait right here! I'll be right back! *Trots off happily to the back office*
Brian: OK.
*Val, the Kung Foo Ninja Drive Thru Lady runs to the back and returns holding a piece of paper*
Brian: What's that?
V,tKFNDTL: This is the sexual harassment policy of Sybra, Inc. Let me read it to you in it's entirity.
*V,tKFNDTL proceeds to read through 2 pages describing the nature, effects and punishment policy of sexual harassment to a dumbstruck Brian, who has been glued into place either by shock or by Kung Foo Val*
Brian: BUT I JUST WANTED A HUG!!!!

I don't even know where to begin with this one...

...but hey, I'll try...

Last night was my first night closing drive thru window at Arby's. Some of you might be thinking "YAY! Ash loves to close! Good for her!" And while yes, it's true, I do love to close usually (a lot of hours, relatively easy since most people don't eat fast food that late) last night was a mixture of the good and the bad, the funny and the painful, the ugly and the shockingly grotesque...

It all began last night around 10:30...one of my fellow workers, Jackie, is a minor. And as all of you who had actual jobs know, minors in Pennsylvania can't work more than like 5 hours without a break and can't work more than 8 hours in a day. So Jackie was closing dining room and absolutely had to be clocked out no later than 10:45 or Dawn (the mgr) would get bitch slapped by the DPW (I swear to god...those people friggin stalk me...they are EVERYWHERE I GO). Now, normally, getting dining room closed by 10:30 isn't a big deal...but this night everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. First off we got customers at like 9:45 who insisted that a) they had every right to sit in the dining room and eat and b) that they could certainly finish in 15 minutes. HOW UTTERLY WRONG THEY WERE. They sat there, eating with all the speed and grace of a giraffe, until appx. 10:15. So Jackie could barely get anything done...she couldn't put up chairs, she couldn't sweep and she had to leave. Who got to finish her crap? If you didn't guess me, clearly you are on crack and do not know who's blog you are reading.

OK...so in addition to getting all of my stuff done, I had to do about half of her crap. OK. Cool. Whatever, I'm a pro at closing dining room and I got it all done in about 20 minutes. I rock.

So for the rest of the night, until around 11:30, I had some interesting conversations with Elias. Well, yay. All's quiet on the western front. But then...like the Hunchback clanging the bell at Notre Dame, 11:30 hit...

Now I know what everyone is thinking. You're guessing that I'm going to tell you that somehow, demonically, a line of cars wrapped its way around the building, and all the demons wanted roast beef and our souls, right? I wish...

...at 11:30, we got a singular order. Very simple in nature, very complex and hilarious and horrible in everything else....I'm just going to reiteratate my conversation with him (yes, we had a conversation, via drive thru speaker) as best I can though I make no promises on the complete accuracy as I still can't entirely believe this happened....This caller will henceforth be known as the King of the Bigots (KotB). You will understand in due course...

*ding ding*
Elias: FUCKING IDIOTS! I HATE CUSTOMERS!
Me: *chuckles softly* Hi! Thanks for chosing Arby's drive thru, can I get you a chicken cordon combo today? (shut up, all of you, I have to say that or they'll fire me)
KotB: *drunk/stoned off his ass and speaking with a mild southern twang* Do y'all have MILKSHAKES?
Me: Yes, we do. We have vanilla, chocolate, chocolate peanut butter and jamocha.
KotB: JAMOCHA? WTF is JAMOCHA?
Me: It's chocolate coffee. A lot of people like it...
KotB: Oh..well...I only want it if you put a black woman in the cup...do you put a black woman in the cup?
Me: Excuse me?
KotB: BLACK WOMAN! IS SHE IN THE CUP!?
Me: Ummm...no, sorry, just the chocolate coffee...
KotB: Oh..ok...well...it doesn't matter 'cus I don't trust the quality of y'alls black women...and it's only good if she's upside down in the cup...so I'll just have a chocolate...
Me: *LAUGHING MY ASS OFF* OK!!!! What size? *continues laughing*
KotB: Medium...
Me: *Note: at this point I cannot stand up, I'm laughing so hard as this guy is clearly too intoxicated to know what he is saying* OK sir, pull up to the window and we'll have your total there...
KotB: *at the window* I bet y'all see more of that in HOLLYWOOD. *drives away, swerving slightly and runs over a median*
Me: *still laughing*
Elias: I can't believe that just happened...
Me: I love people.

*5 minutes later*
Elias saunters (yes, he saunters) up to me as I'm resting my arms head on my arms on the drive thru ledge, looking longingly outside at the clear night, still pondering the previous events. The following conversation ensues...
Elias: Hey, unless you absolutely have to be, don't be at that window.
Me: *paying no heed* Why?
Elias: Well, apparently a crackhead has taken up residence in our parking lot. I saw him slouching past the front door a minute ago.
Me: *jumps away from window and looks for a large bat to wield, should said crackhead get through the window* Seriously?
Elias: Yeah, I could tell he was a crackhead because he was slouched over and moving faster than any normal person should. Not to mention the whole sleeping in a parking lot thing...
Me: We're going to die tonight, aren't we?
*Enter Dawn*
Dawn: Let's just hope he's too high to realize how easy it is to get through that window...but if he isn't...Elias, you beat him off of Ashley while I call the cops.
Elias: Stay away from the fucking window.
*Dark figure slouches past front door again*

Curtain

So..in conclusion kids...
a) don't do crack
b) REASON NUMBER 857 TO FINISH COLLEGE: THIS ENTIRE NIGHT